What a journey!

Did you ever make plans, stick to them, then life happens and gets in the way and you have to re-evaluate those plans?

Let me reassure you that you are not the only one!

I started on this blog journey just over three years ago. I had stopped being a WeightWatchers leader (now known as WW Coach) and hoped that others could read  a little bit of me and see my daily struggles as theirs might also be.

I love the illustration that I have put on this post; you set your plans out and life sometimes throws great big valleys in the way. You end up travelling much further on your journey than going the straight route!

This is how my life has been for well over two years.

Two years ago I completed the 50km Thames Path Challenge, as a walk. Four months previously I'd completed the Moonwalk, for those reading outside England, this is not a Michael Jackson dance but a 26.2 mile overnight power walk around London. This I completed in just over 7 hours. Some feat! It would be fair to say that I had really enjoyed training for the Moonwalk but afterwards I 'crashed' and my passion and desire for walking, or indeed any exercise, died.

At the beginning of September I decided that my lifestyle needed a kick up the backside! I've got happy and content in my relationship and taking time for me seemed to have dropped off the radar. To put this in some context, two years ago I was happily a UK dress size 8/10 and had become a size 14/16. Some might say, 'I'd love to be a size 14!', but I have always maintained that weight and dress size are about what you are comfortable with. I did not like being a size 14, bordering on a size 16. From a weight perspective I would say that six weeks ago I weighed 56 pounds more than I did at my lowest weight, which was in February 2012. That weight is too low for me now, to be fair it was then too! As I approach my fiftieth birthday, in less than six months, I know where I need to be plus I am now loved by a man who accepts me for who I am and just wants me to be happy with me.

My best friend told him, when she first met him, that I was driven and that nothing would stand in my way when I made a decision, about weight loss. For as long as I have known her I have mostly been single; therefore the only person that I needed to worry about was me. Okay, I did have two teenagers but meal planning was done around them and it worked well for the best part of seven years!

I have always maintained that for me to be in control of my weight management, I have to plan and track what I eat. Taking time for me included planning meals and taking time to exercise. Because walking had been my 'go to' exercise, for so long, that's what I went back to. On Sunday 2 September I went for a walk. I walked for an hour. My ankles, which have started to become a real issue since peri-menopause, ached so badly that at times I could have sat down and cried. One of my knees, which has also been causing me problems, was also an issue. I felt very deflated by the whole experience.

I have had my gym membership for over a year and been failing to use it, like so many people, I guess! Feeling as I did, I knew that going into the gym would be a problem but it has a swimming pool so I decided that was where I would start. 30 minutes swimming can and would be as good as any 30 minutes that I could do on a treadmill, and let me tell you I'd never be able to run for 30 minutes on a treadmill!!

So, six weeks on. My meals are planned and tracked, on a weekly basis. Exercise, swimming, is planned every week; I try to go three times a week but sometimes it's only twice. I am 12 pounds down. We ALL want to lose weight quickly, but the correct journey would be slow and steady wins the race 😊When I started back on the correct path it was 16 weeks until Christmas and 16 weeks until my wedding! The plan had been to lose 14 pounds (1 stone) by then. That was realistic; understanding that I now live with someone and I cannot be as 'in control' as I was when I was single! Obviously, as I am nearly at that goal and we still have another 10 weeks to go the new goal is 21 pounds. If I lose much more than that then my wedding dress will need altering!

Back to the illustration; in July 2011 I started what I planned would be my FINAL journey with weight loss. For five plus years I managed to keep on a fairly straight path but the last two years have been more like the second picture; getting stuck in the water and not being able to get out, or stuck in that valley and not being tall enough to reach the ladder to climb out. YOU HAVE TO BE MOTIVATED! Yes, my motivation is my own wedding. I am also not saying that it is easy because temptation comes in many forms but sometimes it just takes doing something. 

Preparation is key; without it life is just so much more difficult. The journey will throw many obstacles in your way. Some you may sit on for a while, some may push you backwards but the key is just to carry on this journey through life.

I got lost!

Well it's the start of the summer holidays, although I have actually worked all this week!

I have thought about writing something on my blog for a couple of weeks but knew that I needed to get the school year done and dusted with before I could even contemplate starting to write something . . . 

As always, I hope that some of what I write, and you will read, may help someone . . . if not the process is usually very cathartic for me!

It is the end of July 2017 and for a long time I have felt lost. When looking for an image to go with the title of this blog the picture above I felt really meant something; I was lost inside myself. I am someone who everyone would say is easy to read, and for the most part that is true, but I am also very good at keeping a huge amount of things inside me, not asking for help until things are really bad!

I started off 2016 in a very positive place; I was in control of many aspects of my life. Having started training for the London Moonwalk in early February. I was on a mission and nothing would stand in my way. Probably too late, I realised that my nutrition around the amount of exercise I was doing was not satisfactory; I was on a mission and as some would say when I've set my mind to do something then I don't stop! 

Having successfully completed the Moonwalk in around 7 hours the following couple of days were difficult. Having not slept for the best part of 36 hours; the Moonwalk is 26.2 miles through the night, I really struggled with my body temperature. On reflection I would definitely say that this had something to do with the lack of fat and carbohydrate stores within my body. The Moonwalk was over a Saturday night and I went to work as normal on the Monday! I know that I then had a 'jet lag' kind of reaction or those doing a night shift would probably recognise the effect of working after lack of sleep! 

The effect of all of this was that I needed to restore those stores! This is not actually something that I realised at the time but the consequence was that I started to eat things that I would never normally eat! Sweets and bread! I also didn't appear to have a 'stop' button . . . I just kept eating crap!!! 

Those that know a little bit about me, or have even read some of the things that I have posted before, know that when I fall off the wagon, I fall hard! I would say that I was in free-fall and was lost inside myself . . . A very wise individual in my 'village' made me look inside myself. What I discovered was quite a difficult pill to swallow and has been a journey through this last year. Sometimes I have taken strides forward and then great big leaps back. In amongst all of that I have been dealing with my infamous peri-menopausal symptoms and the pressures of work!

Read my last blog post And so she starts again . . . again!  (published on 12 November 2016) and see where I was 8 months ago!

I suppose that I should say some of the things that I learnt! There have been times in my life where I have been 'nearly' satisfied with, for one thing my appearance. There are other things too but this is the main thing in this situation. When I get to this point I have a tendency to sabotage. I know that I have mentioned this before but this time the 'doctor' in the village made me realize why I was sabotaging! Knowledge is power . . . there is no need to share what that knowledge is with the world and even with knowing it sometimes isn't easy . . .

The biggest lesson that I have learned this year is that yes, I am the product of my past but I don't have to allow it to define my future!

I am taking hold of the things that I have learned. I am a caregiver; I am very good at looking after everyone else and being there for them but not always very good at taking care of me. I have also struggled to see the qualities that I possess and would initially see some things as a negative rather than a positive.  

Towards the end of March, although my personal life was in the best shape that it has been in years, more of that later, my work-life was not. I am a strong advocate and believer in everything happens for a reason. On one day, a passing comment from someone asking how I was snowballed. The result was that person, who is a very positive, good individual, making me stop . . . shed lots of tears and ask for help. I'm not sure if she spoke to anyone else about me but some senior colleagues took time to arrange a meeting and then put some plans in place that allowed me to receive some of the support that I needed at work. I would class that initial person as someone in my 'village'; a person who is also a caregiver and I know takes time for others. (Ha . . . ha . . . hee!)

She also said something about my character which I initially took as a criticism but on reflection is a true description of how I see myself and what makes me good at what I do! I AM SENSITIVE . . . 

I take on other people's feelings; I have known this for years but maybe this is the first time in my life that I have acknowledged it. Taken it for what it is and seen that it is a true strength and not a weakness.

 I am loyal . . . maybe too loyal . . . but it is who I am . . I will not change but I have learnt that being this sensitive I suck in junk and have to learn how to get rid of that instead of taking it into my soul. This academic year as been a lesson in doing so.

To finish on a positive note; having been out of my marriage for over 10 years and out of another significant relationship for over 6 years, I had thought that I was destined to a single life. Having dabbled in online dating (I could write a book/novel on this!) and realizing that it wasn't really for me I had accepted, and was building, a single life. Yet, the universe had different thoughts for me! If you haven't seen the film Sliding Doors, then I suggest you watch it. I had a moment on 21 December 2016 at 12.15pm where if I had made a different choice then I would not currently be in a happy, loving relationship with a man true to my heart . . . loyal! Watch this space . . . . . . 

2017 will continue to be exciting; my best friend is expecting her first child in November and I am very excited for that event!

What we are . . . and what we want to be; sometimes we have to take a leap of faith. Maybe you do just have to take a step back, take stock and then jump; it can be scary but it can also be very exciting and lead to all sorts of things . . . some of you may even see me join your singing group!

Post Moonwalk blues

I have been silent for a while but during this time I have partially written three blogs but for one reason or another I have not posted them!

I last wrote on my blog on 6 June 2016, around six weeks after I had completed the Moonwalk; I thought that I had learnt a thing or two and would be able to change some things that were going wrong. Another six weeks on and I am still not there but I have learnt some more things along the way that I wanted to share and hope that it may give a 'light bulb' moment for someone, if not it will just be a good read!

WeightWatchers offers something to me that I know that I need; it isn't for everyone but it's good for me. So, what is that? Well, it's the support of a group of people who are all trying to achieve the same thing with a group leader who also has had, or continues to have, the same struggles as everyone in that group. WeightWatchers was founded on this principle over 50 years ago. I need to remind myself that part of that is to take time for yourself, setting aside that hour a week to go to a meeting and not let other things get in the way. . . 

The last time that I attended a meeting, which was about seven weeks ago, we were asked to look at ourselves and think about five things that are pretty cool about us. I know that almost everyone in the room probably looked at the floor and hoped that the leader did not ask us. She must have known this and told us to go away and think about it after first discussing that we are often times our own worst critic and that if we were to ask that question of our friends and family they would probably be able to reel off a whole list of things about us. The idea of coming up with five cool things about us was to try and change our attitude. Most of us who struggle with weight have most probably not got the best attitude when it comes to ourselves. I, for one, would, more often than not, overthink the answers and really struggle to come up with something. After trying not to do that I managed to come up with five;

1. I'm a loyal friend
2. I have a wicked laugh
3. I have beautiful eyes
4. I can talk for ever!
5. I make an amazing Bolognese sauce!

I am not really sure that these are actually cool things but heyho I came up with five things that are me and that I am proud of! Positive thinking will get you to where you want to be. I must remember to be kind to myself.

The next life lesson was much harder to deal with and acknowledge but I have learnt a new word because of it, although I'm not sure how much I will use it or even if it actually refers to me! In my last blog You're never too old to learn I stated that my competitiveness was causing me a problem. Having thought about this some more I realised that it had also had a huge impact on a major relationship in my life. The word that I have is atelophobia; the fear of imperfection, of not being good enough.

Now I am not saying that I have a phobia but what I am saying is that I recognise that thinking I am not good enough has often held me back. I have spent years sabotaging all sorts of things in my life; food being the major one.

I will not go into the whys and wherefores for where I think this comes from. What I do know is that knowledge is power. The realisation that I had was empowering; this just adds to that. What I have to do is shift how I view myself and stop thinking that I am not good enough. I AM good enough. This says it perfectly;

I do NOT need anyone to validate me; I am already valuable. 

This phrase may need to be repeated and repeated and repeated until I believe it but once I do then who knows what mountains I can climb and what heights I can soar. 

At the beginning of the year I had a plan, a focus; I knew exactly where I wanted to be and what my goals were. Unfortunately, I did not think past the 14th May! I should have known that once a goal had been realised that I might struggle; others around me did. I have spent the last twelve weeks in a post Moonwalk blues faze, beating myself up, trying to get myself out of a hole and not really knowing how to or why I was in it. I watched a programme, Bradley Wiggins 'Road to Rio', the other night and some things that were said resonated with me. After Bradley had won the Tour de France, in 2012, and then won a gold medal two weeks later at the London Olympics he suffered with depression for the best part of a year. He didn't know what to do or whether he wanted to even get back on a bike. Elated after completing the Moonwalk and knowing that I had power walked 26.2 miles, an achievement in itself, an opportunity arose to take part in another challenge The Thames Path Challenge. A 50km (31 mile) walk, also to raise funds for Walk the Walk. I did give it some thought, but maybe not as much as I should have, and signed up to take part in this event. It takes place on 10th September . . . loads of time to get back into the swing of walking! Yeh right! I set myself up with a new training plan for thirteen weeks and started it on Monday 5 June. I managed to stick to it for two weeks but since then it has gone slightly awry. Watching this Bradley Wiggins programme hit me smack in the face with the fact that I had the Moonwalk blues. It totally makes sense why I have found it difficult to motivate myself to walk but something needs to change as the Thames Path Challenge takes place in just over six weeks and I need to pull myself together.

I have learnt several lessons over the last twelve weeks and now just need to put them into practise. Understand that the only person that I need to be good enough for is me and that I AM good enough.

Maya Angelou once said, 'Success is liking yourself. Liking what you do and liking how you do it.'  I can genuinely say that ten years ago I did not like who I was but I have done a lot of work over that time to change that. I thought that I was there but this year has again proved that I have something to learn and things to change. That will not be easy. It has taken 47 years to get here but we are all a work in progress and learning is part of life. . . 

Carb loading

Anyone reading this and looking for advice on training better stop now! This post is about a confession . . . some know this about me already and others will just come to know that this is all part of Tessa's Moments! The picture is so apt . . . 

I started 2016 with a mission; to lose the (approx) 21 pounds that I had put on since stopping being a WeightWatchers leader and complete my first ever London Moonwalk. I think that I have said before that I am most definitely someone who likes a plan, someone who likes structure and order.

All was good, by my birthday 13 weeks into the year, I had lost a total of 15 pounds. At one point I was only half a pound away from losing 10% of my starting weight; a real weight loss goal. That is no longer the case! So, what happened?!

Training for the Moonwalk properly started on Sunday 21 February with a 3 mile walk. I would say at this point that I had been used to doing an 8/10 mile walk each weekend. Sometimes fairly pacey other times a slow walk chatting with friends. All was going great until I started doing longer distances. The weekend that I walked 14 miles was a real killer; I ended up in bed for the rest of the day and would say that my body was in shock. I can't quite describe what it was going through but would suggest that I was in some sort of diabetic hypo state, without being a diabetic. I realised at this point that I really needed to look at how I was fueling my body before, during and after the long walks.

I had a sit down with my PT and she talked a lot of science to me; all things that I could totally understand. The next 5 weeks training were then great as I established how to fuel my body correctly for what I now know is an endurance event but before this hadn't really thought about what I was doing or realistically how long it would take to do. Okay, that is not true either! I knew that I wanted to complete the Moonwalk in 6.5 hours but that was just a number not an understanding of how long that actually is!

During the 12 weeks training I was still following WeightWatchers SmartPoints but I had started to do something that I know is something that I do . . . cheat! How was I cheating? Well, over the last 5 years when I have followed any WeightWatchers plan to the letter, there are two things that I have always done very well and effectively; I have mentioned these two things in a post before and they are planning and tracking everything that I eat. It works! When I don't do it, it doesn't work!

I remember years ago watching a programme where someone talked about trigger foods. What is your trigger food? The food that is your go to that then maybe leads you down a slippery path to eating whatever you want and then saying stuff the diet I'm going to just keep going!

For me, that trigger food has never changed. It has always been the same and is BREAD. I cannot have a fresh loaf of bread in my house as I would just eat the whole thing. When I buy a loaf of bread it has to go straight into the freezer. It takes time to defrost a piece of bread and by that time maybe the effort or thought of taking it out of the freezer will have kicked in and it will stop me eating the bread! MAYBE!

I was earning on average about 150 FitPoints a week from my walking, and other exercise. The new guidelines from WeightWatchers are not to use any FitPoints that you have earned. This is something that I would have done in the past anyway. What is the point in increasing your activity and then eating anything that you have earned; it defeats the object of trying to lose weight!

So, back to how I had started to cheat. BREAD! I have regularly been someone who eats when I am bored, not because I am actually hungry! I would regularly have 2 pieces of bread, with spread and marmite on them each night. My brain would not stop me taking them out of the freezer because I would tell myself that it was okay as I was doing all this exercise! The scales were still moving too, so I wasn't doing that much damage was I?

After the Moonwalk was over I will admit to crashing; I have said that it felt a little bit like jet lag. I couldn't be bothered to cook and although I was till planning all of my meals when it came to eating my evening meal I had no desire to cook. In the last 3 weeks I have lost count of the amount of tiger loaves that I have bought . . . and consumed! I have carb loaded the wrong way round! I feel sluggish. I most definitely don't have the energy that I had previously.

I have also not been accountable to anyone. Due to one thing or another I have only been to my WeightWatchers meeting once in the last 4 weeks. That weigh in was not a pretty site! I KNOW that I have to go . . . and stay to the meetings. I know what to do. I also know where I have been going wrong but we all need some help and to be reminded.

Yesterday, I stepped back onto the train. The journey has started, yet again! I went for a 6 mile walk, which I enjoyed and did not see as a must. My food is tracked and planned and I have asked for support  . . . something that I don't often do.

I have written this post, put it out there and saying Tessa's Moments are on the move . . . again!

I think I'm ill!

So it is 15 days since I took part in my first ever London Moonwalk; I managed to complete it in 7 hours 6 minutes, slower than the 6.5 hours I’d hoped but not surprising if you bear in mind the crowds of 15000+ women (and a few men)! I had been warned that the first 4 miles would be slow with bottlenecks of queues and it was painfully slow, at times, plus also having to keep to pavements and wait for traffic lights to change, as the roads weren’t closed for us. I had a pavement encounter at approximately 4 miles, tripping over a kerb! I walk with a bottle of water in each hand, to help swing my arms (the best technique for power walking!) and I was wearing my gloves, at the time, so I didn't damage anything too badly, although my right wrist was painful for some time afterwards and I was ever so slightly embarrassed that I had tripped up! I was told by a colleague at work that his mum had taken part this year and at 6 miles she tripped on some steps, split her head open and suffered concussion; fortunately I had no lasting effects over my trip. In the last 3 miles I started to feel the pain, in my ankles and lower back. The last 2 miles were the worst; I'm not sure how I managed to keep going and most definitely know that it is a mind over matter thing and I kept telling myself 'one foot in front of the other, you're nearly there!'


At about 23 miles I said to my walking partner, Debbie, 'this is a once in a lifetime experience and I am NEVER doing this again!'. I had thought that I would see how this year went and then plan to do it every year, up to and including my 50th birthday year; so that's another 3 times! At about 25 miles she agreed that she would never be doing it again either!

We crossed the finishing line, were rewarded with our medal and literally found ourselves a spot on the grass and somehow managed to get ourselves onto the floor. (If we could have giggled we would have, but we were just too tired!) Tops on, as
we were both starting to feel cold, laid down, took some selfies and then did not move for about 10 minutes!

The next challenge was to get up, move and get ourselves across London back to Kings Cross for the journey home. We really couldn’t face the walk to the tube but how we managed to get into a taxi back to Kings Cross I’ll never know - I’m sure the people watching us had a giggle and I think we practically fell out the other end!

We finally got home around 10am on Sunday. I'd had a thought in my head for about 6 weeks about what I was going to have for breakfast! As we burnt in excess of 3000 calories we would surely be allowed a treat! The image that had got me through some difficult training walks was that I was going to treat myself to an amazing breakfast! Not what everyone would have chosen but I had decided that I was having a McDonald's breakfast; but my name is Tessa Jane and I don't do things by halves! I'd decided that I was going to have two Double Sausage and Egg McMuffins and FOUR hash browns! Did that happen?! NO! I could not face anything to eat. I am not sure if that was a combination of being tired and being so cold; I have never been so cold and that lasted through until at least the Monday evening.

Being at work for that week was a struggle; I felt like I had jet lag, emotionally and physically drained. Well, I suppose that I had been in training for over 12 weeks for that one night and then it came to an end.

By lunchtime on the following day we had both decided that we had forgotten how we felt at 23 and 25 miles and that we were contemplating doing it again next year! By the time that Thursday arrived, the day that registration opened for next year's Moonwalk, we had both definitely decided that we were going to complete the Moonwalk again and sooner rather than later. We are signed up for Saturday 13 May 2017! It's obviously a little like child birth -  you forget the pain really quickly and only remember the triumph!

So, I think that I am ill or I've got a bug of some kind. Debbie had started looking for further challenges BEFORE we had even completed the Moonwalk. I had already told her that she was slightly mad and that we needed to get through the 26 miles and the night before thinking about anything else! I am someone who believes that everything happens for a reason. Yesterday we went for an 8 mile walk, the first walk that we have done since completing the Moonwalk. I will be honest and say that I found it really hard going. I didn't feel great; it does have to be said that I had an upset tummy and have been suffering with a cold and sore throat for a couple of days. We did complete the walk and at an okay pace, not our usual pace though!

Whilst out on the walk I received a message offering me a hotel room for the night before the Thames Path Challenge. A friend and her daughter, who were doing it for Walk the Walk, have had to pull out and as she knew that Debbie and I were thinking about it, she was offering us their hotel room for the night before the challenge.

I now have a 24/48 hour rule, embedded into me by my boss; don't do anything or say anything for 24/48 hours. If it is still important or worth saying/doing 24/48 hours later then do it, if it isn't then don't. Simple really!

24 hours on and I have found a solution around one of the stumbling blocks. So we are going for it! The Thames Path Challenge that we will be completing, this year (!), is 50km, approx 31 miles. The one that we are doing is a day challenge, starting at 8 am on Saturday 10 September. The beauty of this challenge for me is a time factor. I will have near enough the whole of August off work and will be able to dedicate some time to completing some long distances and maybe getting my speed up, although my walking and competitive partner may not be able to walk with me all the time so that may not be the case!

As my mother said to me a while ago, 'but you don't like walking!'. This is why I think that I must be ill or have a bug -  the walking bug. Let's hope that at 47 this is a phase that will pass!

I'll keep you posted on if I reach nutter status . . . it is in my genes and I think my father was around this age when he started to do some quite unconventional things!

Half way through Moonwalk training

This time in six weeks I will have completed the Moonwalk 2016; I may not be able to move but hopefully I will have completed it!

We have been given a training plan which I am following near enough to the letter! I am still going to Kettlercise twice a week and can definitely notice my fitness levels increasing! Last Saturday was a 10 mile walk, at  steady pace, and we accomplished that in 2 hours 15 minutes. I was very happy with that. I am hoping to complete the 26.2 miles in under 6 and a half hours, that is an average of 15 minute/mile. I am aware that due to the amount of people taking part that the first 2 hours may be fairly slow by the standard that I am currently training at.

On Thursday we did our first interval training session; this was a 6 mile walk and we walked as fast as we could for 1 minute then slowed it down for another 2 minutes before repeating the interval. As you can see what we achieved was amazing! Pace at 13.15 minutes/mile!!

Yesterday we did a 12 miler which was distance and speed; I have to say that the interval training on Thursday really helped. I have to admit that I found the last 2 miles tough but I would assume that is because I had done a 'Last chance training session' on Friday night and by the time we hit 10 miles every muscle in my body was aching; particularly my shoulders and neck. That might have something to do with a 12kg kettlebell and lifting it over my head #nopainnogain !!!

12 miles is nearly half way; 2 hours 45 minutes to achieve that is also really positive. IF we maintained that sort of speed across the 26.2 miles then we should complete the Moonwalk in 5 hours 45 minutes giving us a 45 minute leeway on my target time!!! Anything faster would just be running!!

If you would like to sponsor me you can still do so, any amount would be greatly appreciated. 

Can you believe. . .

. . . that it's the start of April? That we're already thirteen weeks into this year? I don't want to frighten you or wish time along, but we are a quarter of the way through the year! So, how are you doing? Is your resolve still strong? Have you achieved any goals?

Today is my 47th birthday; I've walked 12.25 miles and had an amazing week!

Let's go back to how my year is going and see if yours is going along the same way before I talk about birthday celebrations!?

I have lost a total of 15 pounds in the thirteen weeks (16 pounds since I started this new journey), and I'm only 1 pound away from losing 10% of my original weight! I have managed to save £91; although the next thirteen weeks are going to be a bit more challenging as the amount that I am supposed to save every week is going up; week 14 = £14, week 15 = £15! I will re-evaluate at around week 20 to see if I am able to carry on! If I can I will have saved £210, if I can get to week 26 (half way through the year) it will be £351!

I've read quite a few things recently on middle-age! I can now say that I am getting there, although I really do not believe in my heart that I am as old as I actually am. I'm old enough but still young enough to be going out for a night on the town with my boys tonight; I'm really looking forward to it, as the last time that we were all out together was my youngest son's 18th birthday last year.

I am not someone who has a bucket list, as such, but I do believe that I don't want to look back on my life and think 'I wish that I had done that'. I therefore think that training for and participating in the Moonwalk are some part of that. I know having done a 350 mile charity cycle ride how great it feels to achieve something that you, at first, thought that you may not be able to.

The same goes for birthday celebrations! This week myself and two friends have done something that we first talked about around eighteen months ago; the Go-Ape Zipline at Grizedale Forest, Lake District.

We initially did the Tree-Top Adventure at Go-Ape in Woburn around eighteen months ago and I will now admit to putting on a brave face for this! It was something that was on one of my friend's bucket list and myself and my best friend agreed to go along for the experience! How difficult could it really be to do an obstacle course through trees?! They are very safety conscious and walk/talk you through everything that you need to know/do before you are free to go off on your own. I realised, once we had climbed the practice tree, that this was maybe not going to be the easiest of things to do but I could not possibly show my fear, especially as my best friend was having moments!! We decided, between the three of us, that I would lead us, I was being 'mum', that my best friend would go in the middle and that the other friend would bring up the rear. The reasoning being that I could show that it was okay, could encourage my best friend to try and do it and that the last person made sure she did!! Let's just say that we ALL completed the course and achieved things that we probably did not think possible within the first 15 minutes of training! There were some particularly hairy moments that I really had to just go 'it's fine just don't look down!'

What we all did agree on was that the zip-line's were the most fun and established that at the Go-Ape course at Grizedale Forest you could just do the zip-line. Whoopee!! So, as I have said, after much talking about it we decided, at the beginning of the year, to book it. Beautifully, Easter was early this year so we were able to do this as part of my birthday experience.

So what did it entail? The Zip Trekking Adventure is a network of seven tandem zip lines that traverse the sky-scraping Douglas Firs at Grizedale Forest, providing you with an exhilarating experience of flying way above the forest floor. It was an unforgettable two and a half hour experience, including; a 20 minute hike (through one of the most beautiful forests out there), a ride off-road where we were whisked along winding mountain roads up to the training zip, and then seven zip wires covering a total distance of 3km to come back down to the bottom!

Again, this is something that you can't actually think about! You just have to do it! Although very cold, as we got caught in several rain showers, the whole experience was fantastic and we all agreed that it was something that we would all do again . . . but make sure that we did it in warmer weather!

We were away for less than 48 hours and managed to eat out every day, more than once, who can resist an afternoon tea with a slice of cake?!; I do enjoy food!

Yesterday was simply put . . . EATING . . . with friends. Tonight is about drinking and tomorrow will entail trying to recover and then more eating with friends from Cambridge!

Well that's how to celebrate your birthday for a week; eat out every day, do something incredibly fun and spend quality time with family and friends.

It has to be said that weigh day this week was not a day that I was looking forward to but I still managed to lose half a pound!

In another thirteen weeks we'll be half way through the year and it will be the start of July when you may be going on your holidays or they will be creeping up on you. 

Look what I have achieved in thirteen weeks and know that it's never to late to start. . . 

My Moonwalk 2016 Fundraising

So I have finally set up my fundraising page for my Moonwalk adventure on Saturday 14 May 2016.

Please find the page at this link and sponsor me in any way that you can; Tessa's Moonwalk Fundraising page

The Moonwalk will be completed in a bra and the very loud leggings in this photo; well we will be doing it at night, so I will need to be seen!

Thank you . . . 

Niggles: slight but persistent discomfort

I have been actively walking for over a year. What I discovered very early on is that good footwear is a must and that has taken some time to find.

Sketchers do some amazing shoes called Go Walks which are like wearing a pair of slippers. The first pair that I owned I wore a hole in within the first six weeks; I don't think that they are meant for someone who was doing as much walking as me! The second pair that I bought were Go Walks III; Sketchers seemed to have looked at the sole on this model and made it more substantial.

I'm still not 100% sure that they are actually manufactured for someone who was averaging 10,000 steps a day. I have also come to realise that I am getting older and that my body does not do what it used to do; it takes longer to recover and can't do some of the things that I used to take for granted when I was even 10 years younger than I am now!

I have been doing approximately 8 miles on a Saturday and Sunday as a planned walk with friends. Sometimes I walked on my own and sometimes it was with a group of 5 or 6 people. When the clocks changed I dropped the Saturday walks as they were an afternoon walk. 

My right ankle started to hurt after the walks, which then affected my right knee and my right hip. I actually think my right hip was the thing that first started to ache. I have noticed that if I am carrying any extra weight then this hip hurts. The knee and ankle pain were probably as a result of walking to compensate for that hip. Google and You Tube are great places to help you out when you've got things that may be wrong with you. Stretching was probably the main bit of advice that I took from everything that I was reading. I have realised that I have tight calf muscles. I wasn't sure why but that I have also recently worked out why; we'll come to that later!

The Christmas holidays came and I knew that with the New Year I would be starting to think seriously about the #MoonwalkLondon2016. Nina Barough is the founder of Walk the Walk and suggested a couple of pairs of shoes that would be good for the job. One day between Christmas and New Year I made my way to Go Outdoors in search of the perfect pair of walking shoes for me. I ended up buying a pair of Salomon's; not for anyone looking for a fashionable shoe but definitely someone looking to do a power walk!

I have worn shoes for walking that have given me blisters, even a pair of Sketchers did this. Admittedly they weren't a pair of Go Walks! My first walk in my new Salomon's was an 8-miler; go hard or go home!! Amazingly, no blisters and the pain that I had had in my right ankle and knee had gone after one walk in these shoes. Wow!

I had, up until two years ago, never suffered an injury related to exercise. When people that I knew did I really didn't have any sympathy; well surely they had brought it on themselves by exercising?!? That changed after I damaged my right shoulder mis-handling a 20kg kettlebell. I know what frustration is not being able to do something that you actually like doing because you have injured yourself.

The third walk that I did in my new shoes was a 10 mile walk; about 2 miles from home I started to get a pain in my left heel. I couldn't explain it; it was just a niggle. It didn't put me off and I still continued to walk the mile to and from work every day. Two weeks later, having done two more 10 mile Sunday walks, I had difficulty weight bearing on my left heel. Interestingly, I walk to work in flat shoes and then when I get to work I put a pair of heels on. The heels actually made the pain in my heel not so bad. I did some research on, again, Google and discovered that I most definitely had plantar fasciitis. The following link is one of several that gives lots of information on plantar fasciitis; http://www.nhs.uk/Conditions/heel-pain/Pages/Introduction.aspx

I wear heels every day at work and I am really considering that whilst I am in training I need to wear flat shoes. My ageing body does not appear to be coping with the miles that I am doing, a regular day at work, going for a walk at lunchtime in heels and everyday body stresses.

Knowing what you may have and then finding some treatments that might work also involved the internet; this time You Tube. I watched two great videos; one by Dr. Josh Axe and the other by Dr. Scott A Mills, both gave some great advice which I have followed for the last two weeks. I now take a magnesium supplement; interestingly I had this already as it was something that I tried to combat my perimenopausal symptoms but I kept forgetting to take it! I had also previously bought some massage balls which I had used on my ankle. I now use the hard ball every morning before I get out of bed and I take the magnesium supplement every night when I go to bed.

I cannot tell you what an overnight success the magnesium supplement was. I woke up the following morning for the first time in two weeks without any pain. The following week was great. I was on half-term and wore either no shoes, flipflops or flats all week even managing a couple of long walks. The pain was getting less and less. 

A week back at work, wearing heels 3 out of 5 days has had a significant impact on the plantar fasciitis. What I have realised is that I have tight calf muscles and ankles plus the plantar injury; most probably caused by wearing heels and shortening my calf muscles! Hence, the real thought that whilst I am in training I need to wear flats to work. Stretching is something that Nina Barough strongly recommends and I totally get why!

I am not complaining. Part of training is just that; training for the endurance and to remind myself that the niggles are just niggles. I am doing this, foremost, to raise money for Breast Cancer based on the scare that I had last year. The little niggles and small amount of pain are part of the journey and the reminder that this is nothing compared to what others are going through, affected by cancer, on a daily basis. Once I stop doing what I am doing the pain will, hopefully, go away. Others are not so lucky; people close to me have loved ones who are going through daily battles with one form of cancer or another.

The start of Moonwalk training . . . for real!

So this week I started my #MoonwalkLondon2016 training in earnest.

I have been walking around 8 to 10 miles every Sunday since Christmas and this week it's now less than 11 weeks until the actual event!

We have been given a 12 week training plan which I have adapted to fit around what I currently do. By that I mean exercise and my life!

This week was three, 3 mile walks. It was recommended that we walk at a steady pace but as I have been doing fairly long walks for some time I wanted to see whether I could actually walk at pace and sustain it! Sunday was the first time I did it and I was walking on my own. I find walking on your own is more difficult than with someone as you don't have someone to help set the pace. I was really happy; I did 3.25 miles in 47 minutes, averaging 14.12 minute miles.

I did the second walk with a friend who will, hopefully all being well, complete the Moonwalk with me. We did the same distance averaging 14.11 minute miles. Great! I also felt that this is a manageable pace. Obviously, I am not sure that I can keep it up for 26.2 miles but that is what the training is all about!

When I devised the plan I'm not sure that I had thought properly about walking on a Friday night! As I walked home from work on Friday after a long week at work all I could think was I can't do this. I am very aware that an awful lot of the challenge is in your head and it can convince you not to do something. As soon as I got home I put my walking gear on and headed straight back out. I did exactly the same route and averaged 4.28 miles an hour and did it 2 minutes faster than I had on Tuesday night. I was very chuffed!! 

I know that I have said this before but I will repeat it again. I am someone who needs to have a plan of action. If I don't then I am likely not to do something. I like structure and order. I printed the 12 week plan onto A3 and have taped it to my fridge. I have crossed off every day and have done each day that I have planned, even the pilates, which was surprisingly harder than I thought that it would be!

So week 1 down and only 11 to go until the night of Saturday 14 May. I have bought myself a #walkthewalk bumbag this week which I will use for the first time tomorrow. I have been wearing a jacket and getting very hot; the only reason that I wear the jacket is to keep my house keys and phone in. I now have something to carry them in and it looks very fetching! 

The next plan of action is to set up my fundraising page because the main reason that I a doing this is to raise money. Obviously, there are some other benefits happening along the way!

Six weeks into 2016. . . how are you doing?!

We are now at the end of the first six weeks of the year. For me, that means that I have got through the first six weeks of the Spring Term and am now having a well deserved break!

So how have your new year's resolutions been going?! Are you still going strong or have you slipped a bit?! I am going to chat about each of the things that I have been doing; awesome notes and saving; weight loss; and finally Tessa's Moments!

Awesome notes and saving

I have now got £21 in my savings jar, having saved £1 in week 1, £2 in week 2, etc. It is amazing how a little can add up. I am aware that I may not be able to sustain this for the whole year but I am planning to keep going for as long as I can. If I get to week 30 (that's the end of July) I'll have £465, week 40 (that's the beginning of October) £820 and week 52 £1378!

My jar is filling nicely with awesome moments; I can smile warmly, now, thinking about some of the notes that I can remember in the last six weeks, so when I open it at the start of 2017 I may have to have a party to share some of the laughs that I will have with others!

Weight loss

This blog has been being written in my head for some time and up until this week I was going to write something along the lines of the tortoise and the hare and slow and steady winning the race and not rushing things. I will still say all of that but in six weeks I have managed to lose 8lbs, 5% of my original starting weight. I had set myself a goal to be back at my healthy BMI range by week seven and last week did not think that was possible but after the weight loss that I had this week I am really on target to achieve that:

Week 1: 1lb gain (first weigh in after Christmas and New Year)

Week 2: 3lb loss

Week 3: 1.5lb loss

Week 4: 0.5lb gain

Week 5: 1lb loss

Week 6: 3lb loss

I have lost a total of 9lbs since rejoining Weight Watchers and know that it just takes a bit of work. . . and commitment! 

I just want to add that I am keeping an eye on my weight loss to see if there is a pattern. I am a very boring eater and although what I eat is generally healthy, I tend to eat similar things every week. This would suggest that I should be losing the same amount every week but as you can see that's not true! Let's see what the weight loss looks like in another six weeks and see if there is a pattern. . . 

Tessa's moments

As part of my blog I have previously talked about headaches, trouble sleeping and other perimenopausal symptoms. I had a migraine at the beginning of December, which resulted in two days off work, and another one between Christmas and New Year that had me confined to bed for another two days. 

I was 'bullied' by the girls at work into going to the doctors and very much thought that the discussion would be me giving into HRT as I couldn't see any other way forward. I will not use the word depression lightly but I will say that the migraines were starting to get me down. . . significantly. 

The doctor I saw said that due to concerns raise in the medical community that doctors were now very reluctant to put women on HRT. Phew. . . at least I did not have to deal with that! We then had a discussion about SSRI's (selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors) and trying to deal with my symptoms or trying to manage the migraines when I get them. I think that anyone reading this who has suffered with migraines will know what my response was! Now this is the bit where I don't really know what the doctor is talking about but I'm putting my trust in him to give me something that might help!

I arrived back at work with my prescription for Fluoxetine to be informed by the girls at work that I'd been given Prozac. Does he think I'm a slightly crazy, middle-aged woman??!! He does know me, even though he'd only just met me!!!

I went home, did some research before taking the first pill, and then decided that it couldn't do me any harm. For those interested, I started taking the Fluoxetine on day 10 of my cycle, and the doctor told me that it would take at least two weeks for the drug to get into my system so it may not help so much with my cycle that month. I'd only been given a 30 day supply to start with and told to go and get some blood tests done. 

I went back four weeks later, having taken 27 pills, and having gone through a cycle. Did I get a migraine? Yes, but it wasn't half as bad as it had been for the two months before and it had helped with some of my other symptoms; the night sweats were not as bad and the waking up, and being awake for 2/3 hours in the night for up to 10 days before I come on, were greatly reduced. It did still wake at around 2.30am but was able to get almost straight back to sleep. The other added bonus was that normally challenging behaviours in teenagers were met with a very chilled out Tessa!!

The doctor gave me the results of my blood tests and informed me 'that I was ovulating like a trooper'! Thanks!! I'm not sure that this is what I wanted to hear but I do know that perimenopausal symptoms can present for up to ten years before you actually go through the menopause. Let's hope that the Fluoxetine continues do work!

So, in 7 weeks time I will be 47. I hope to have lost another 7lbs by then. I will be well and truly into my #Moonwalk training. I'll have also done the Grizedale Go Ape zip line with two awesome and probably slightly scared friends!