2022 - A year of HRT - Part 3: July to September

Welcome to a year of HRT - Part 3. 

As mentioned in Part 2, I’d collected my prescription for the Evorel 75 patch, the replacement for my Sandrena gel, at the end of June. I applied my first patch on the evening of Saturday 2 July. I felt completely out of sorts on the Sunday and Monday; had a migraine on both days. I even fell asleep on the Sunday afternoon, which is really unusual. I took the patch off on the Tuesday night as my Sandrena prescription had arrived, and this would have been the day that I would have changed it anyway. I did not, at the time, think that how I felt was in any way related to the application of the patch. 

The following Monday I passed a large blood clot. TMI? Maybe, but as I've said previously I'm wanting to be honest and hope that anyone reading this can take something from my experiences. I’d not had anything like that since the summer of 2019, so it was a complete shock to the system. I flooded my underwear and the shorts that I was wearing and had to go home to wash and change. Now, I wasn’t overly concerned as I had a sneaky feeling that it had something to do with the Evorel patch. My specialist appointment was the week later, and I knew that I would discuss it there. Had I not been due to have this appointment I would have sought medical counsel. Any bleeding that is not usual should be investigated.

So, Tuesday 12 July arrived; my menopause specialist appointment. After I’d received my blood test results, and as the day drew closer and closer, I was getting more apprehensive. I’m an acknowledged overthinker and had already decided that I might face the same response as I had from my GP. There are a couple of differences between a GP and a menopause specialist; one is time and the other knowledge. If you are lucky you get 10 minutes with a GP and if you are even luckier they have a specialist knowledge on the menopause. A GP has basic knowledge of so many conditions and just doesn’t have the time that someone facing perimenopause and menopause needs, in my opinion. My first menopause specialist appointment was for a guaranteed 50 minutes. If you know me, you will know that we didn’t stick to this time but to be fair, I did have 10 years to discuss!! I also established that Dr Glenys is an NHS GP and that she, and another colleague, had attempted to get funding to set up an NHS menopause clinic in the Peterborough and Cambridgeshire area but this had been declined. She had then set up her own clinic. This also explains why her clinic is only open 2 days as week. If I was one of her patients I’d be getting her knowledge and expertise on the NHS. How lucky are her NHS patients!

I needn’t have been apprehensive. Dr Glenys was amazing. I’d documented my period cycles for the last 10 years, highlighted some of my early perimenopause symptoms, then later ones. Discussed the fact that I was prescribed an SSRI (antidepressant) for those symptoms. She asked why? I had no answer to that, as I didn’t know why I was ever really prescribed them, other than that I’d been told that they would help with my hormonal imbalance?!

She then went on to discuss the results of my blood test. Although I had been applying the oestrogen gel for 7 months or so, I wasn't absorbing it properly, as my oestrogen levels were lower than they should be. This explained why I was still getting symptoms; night sweats, periods of being able to fall asleep fairly easily but waking anywhere between 1 and 3am, then staying awake for 2 plus hours, being moody and tearful, to name a few!

I’d been advised to apply the oestrogen gel on the outside of my thigh. Dr Glenys informed me that this was not the best place for absorption and then went on to show me where to apply it; it should be where the skin is thinner, so the inside of the thigh or even the inner forearm.

We discussed my testosterone levels and the impact of my sex hormone binding globulin, one of the other tests that had been done. She agreed that adding testosterone to my HRT regimen would definately be beneficial for me. Yeh! I was so relieved!

After further discussion we agreed that I would change from the gel to a patch. I told her what had happened to me on the Evorel patch. She explained that although the dose of the patch was correct for the dose of Sandrena I was on, because I was not absorbing the Sandrena gel properly I’d hit myself with as huge dose of oestrogen all in one go. Hence the migraine, feeling odd and the blood clot a week later! There is another patch available, Estradot, which we agreed would be good for me as someone who has a history of migraines. The recommendation was to start on 50 micrograms, then a month later move to 75 micrograms, then a month after that move onto 100 micrograms. Basically, increasing my oestrogen levels at a steady pace. Once my oestrogen levels increased I could then start the testosterone.

I received the clinic letter, by email, late afternoon on the day of the appointment. Wow! This summarised everything that we had discussed and she had also supplied me with a prescription for the Estradot, to discuss with my GP. I pay for an NHS prescription prepayment plan, and as this is available on the NHS there was no point in paying for a private prescription. In October 2021, the Government announced that women in England would only have to pay one charge of £18.70 for up to a 12-month supply of HRT. It was recently confirmed that the move would not be enacted till April 2023! It may be the case that I can have a 3-month supply on one prescription, when my levels have settled down, but for the moment it's a monthly prescription for me.

Dr Glenys discussed 3 different forms of testesterone with me; 2 types of male testosterone and 1 type of female. I opted to go with one of the male types, partly due to how little is used therefore how long they last (approx 300 days) and also cost! The female form, AndroFeme, is licensed in Australia and comes as a 3-month supply costing almost double what the male form costs for 3 times less supply! She had sent the prescription to a pharmacy, I then received an email from them to pay, and two days later the testosterone (Testim) had arrived. Because of how little I will be applying I then had to source a very small syringe to measure the dosage correctly! Amazon was great for this! They are sitting in the bottom of my wardrobe waiting for the day that I can start applying it!

During my weekend spa break with my best friend, we'd had time to talk! One of the many topics was weight loss, or lack of it. On Saturday 16 July I stood on my bathroom scales, yet again! Weight not quite back to where it was last November when I wrote A moment in time but only 2 pounds off...... The holiday booked then was now only 15 weeks away. I set a plan. As I have said, repeatedly, I am always better with a plan. Whether that is food planning, exercise or even with a target in mind. 15 weeks allowed a healthy weight loss of between 14 and 28 pounds. The top end of the possible weight loss would be lovely, but as I've got older the weight has not been as easy to lose. With all this in mind I set about meal planning and food management started. 'Food management' is the phrase my hubbie came up with. It's not a diet, as it is a way of life. I just need to manage what I am eating! oh, and maybe think about exercise too!

I'd had to have some repeat blood tests for my GP for something unrelated. Although, as I am writing this my thoughts are that I when I went in May and discussed testosterone with the GP I also discussed how easily I bruise with her, which led to the original blood tests. I've read something recently suggesting that bumping into things and therefore bruising are another perimenopause/menopause symptom! I had scheduled an appointment for a week after seeing Dr Glenys, to discuss those tests and also update her on my private appointment. I took a copy of the clinic notes so that she could put them with my NHS notes. I continued to use the Sandrena gel, before this appointment, but changed to applying it to my inner forearm, as had been suggested by Dr Glenys.

My GP raised the prescription for the three doses of Estradot and sent them to our local pharmacy, which is a village Boots store. Eager to start the patches as soon as possible, I went to the pharmacy that afternoon. I was greeted with supply issues of this particular patch. The advice given was to call other pharmacies to find out whether they had stock. Should this really have been down to me to do? Anyway, I did! I found out that a larger Boots store not to far away had stock of the 50 and 100 patches and that they could order the 75. I arranged to have my prescription put back into the system?! This meant that as I had my NHS number any other pharmacy could then pull that prescription and fulfil it for me. 

So, I applied the first Estradot patch on Wednesday 20 July. This patch was much smaller than the Evorel patch and 'stuck' more easily than the Evorel patch had. I put that first patch on my upper thigh. Subsequent patches I have applied around my hip area, alternating the side that it is on.

Whilst on this dose I was GRUMPY! I'm sure that the 'long suffering husband' could use other words to describe me but that's my interpretation! I was still having night sweats, periods of broken sleep and therefore tired, grumpy and with little energy. I suppose some of that is possibly because I had been applying the 1.5mg Sandrena gel in the correct place for about a week, so I had therefore increased my oestrogen levels; I had then dropped them back down when applying the patch.

I previously mentioned in my Jan to March post that I hadn't read the book that was suggested by Oprah but in July I read another. Natural Hormone Balance for Women by Uzzi Reiss. This book was published in 2002 and is written by an American Obstetrician-gynaecologist. I don't know where or when I bought this book, probably years ago BUT what I do know is that I should have read it earlier! I hadn't even finished reading the foreword before I'd messaged my best friend and told her I was ordering her a copy. There are many points raised that I could relate to. Parts I read made me have 'lightbulb' moments. I've been looking at the last 10 years of my life and totally 'get it'. I have been so impressed that I discovered that he wrote another book in 2020, The Good News About Estrogen, that I ordered this too! This book is really an updated version of the first book but does have some added information relevant to the 2020's. 

In August 2016 I wrote the blog post Post Moonwalk Blues. What I have realised since reading the aforementioned books is that I almost definately had a hormone crash at this time. I sort of knew this due to food that I started to crave and was then eating. Sweets! I'd never really been a sweet or chocolate eater but I would binge on handy packs; Haribo's, Maltesers, anything really! I fell out of love with walking. Again, looking back, I know that some of this was due to the ever increasing aches and pains which I couldn't face after doing even a 3 to 4 mile, 1 hour walk. My periods were still averaging 25 days but with increasingly heavy first days. By the end of that year I had my first 'missed' cycle. I wonder if I'd read the first book earlier if I'd have had a better understanding? For me, there is nothing I can do about that. This series of blogs is to get someone who is reading to look at themselves. I was just shy of my 43rd birthday when I noticed my first perimenopause symptoms and I didn't even know that that's what it was! Knowledge is power and if this gives someone a little bit more knowledge then I've achieved something! Look to my blog post Trust me! if you want to see the list of 40 possible perimenopause symptoms; either to refresh you or to help you to look for signals.

On Monday 1 August I went to a ReboundFit class in Brampton. This is exercise on a mini trampoline and is great fun. Easy on your joints. An overall great workout. I've been to them before but when I found this class, so much closer to home, I knew that I had to rejoin. Another tick in the box for trying to regain control of my life.

Four weeks after applying the Estradot 50mcg patch I started the next box, so up to 75 micrograms. I'd lost 7 pounds (lbs) in weight and also managed to maintain some kind of exercise programme! I am still keeping track of any symptoms on my WellWoman app. Within 2 weeks of starting this patch the night sweats had completely stopped. The broken sleep was down to a couple of times a week rather than only having a couple of nights uninterrupted sleep a week! This all adds up to feeling, a little, more energetic and taking an interest in things. That is very vague as I can't quite put my finger on what I mean here. I suppose it's a little bit more 'get up and go', rather then wanting to spend a weekend morning in bed!

On Wednesday 14 September I applied the 100mg patch. I change my patch on a Wednesday and a Saturday. It works for me to be in this kind of routine. When I looked at what the recommendations were for patch changing, this one was the one that I felt suited my lifestyle best. I generally have a bath every evening. So I remove the patch before I get in the bath. I use copious amounts of soap to remove the 'glue' residue that is left from the surrounding area. If that doesn't work then I have found that baby oil removes the last little bit; a tip gleaned from a live Instagram with Lisa Snowden and Dr Naomi Potter!

The day after applying the second 100mg Estradot patch I had spotting. Having had the bleeding that I have had this year I knew that this was down to the increase in oestrogen; probably why Dr Glenys didn't just prescribe me it straight off! Remember that I had not been absorbing the ostrogen from the Sandrena gel properly and I'd passed that blood clot whem I'd 'overdosed' on the Evorel 75 patch. The spotting lasted 3 days and then settled. I was now on countdown! Two weeks on the 100mg patch and I could start applying the testosterone.

By the end of September I could most definately say that I was starting to feel more like me! That's a really difficult one to quantify. The easiest way to describe it is this; imagine a birthday balloon that slowly loses air. There's still some in it but it's not as full as it was. You are then somehow able to refill the balloon. Pump it up a bit! That's the easiest way to say how I feel. Still got some saggy, crinkly bits like that deflated balloon but with some air pumped back in I'm feeling much better. About myself. About my well-being. About my relationships. About my life.

2022 - A year of HRT - Part 2: April to June

October is Menopause Month so here is part 2 of my year on HRT. If you've missed seeing Part 1 I'd recommend that you read it before continuing with this post. 

My birthday is the start of April, and this year I turned 53. I’ve tracked my monthly cycle since December 2011, so well over 10 years. I have used an app called WomanLogPro. Not only can you track your period but you can track all aspects of your monthly cycle. Looking back through not only the tracking of my periods but also the symptoms that I was experiencing, plus the knowledge that I have gained, I can see that as early as February 2012 I was having perimenopause symptoms. The issue that I faced, at that time, was that some of the symptoms I was experiencing I didn’t realise were perimenopausal as they just weren’t obvious!

Menopause is such a ‘hot’ topic that I discovered that the app now has a function to put it into menopause mode! Brilliant! I can still track everything that I did before; my symptoms, moods, weight, sex (!) and a whole host of other things.

To understand what your own body is doing you need to get to grips with it. I have mentioned before that I knew that the migraines that I was getting around the age of 43 to 47/48 were cyclical. This was because I was tracking them on this app. I could see that they appeared usually on Day 17. My average cycle at that age was about 26 days. I have recently learnt a bit more about this (read Part 3: July – September, where I’ll go into more detail).

I remember having a conversation with a colleague about hip and knee pain in my mid-40s, which I had; she also had them and had been advised by her doctor that the aches and pains she had were just down to getting older, something that I accepted too. This is correct but what I have come to realise is that these aches and pains become more as our oestrogen levels drop. Another of those ‘flags’ that I hadn’t realised were perimenopause related.

In April, I was muddling through. Coping with ‘spotting’ but also still with the knowledge that things weren’t right. Doing my own research, I realised that I was still missing a piece of the jigsaw. Another hormone, testosterone. Now, I should have known this! Ask anyone of my female friends who knew me in my early to mid-forties, and they would tell you that there were lots of aspects of my life where I thought, and maybe behaved (!) like a man! We go back to the things that we don’t talk about, or skirt around. One being libido. For some a lack of libido may not be a problem, but for me it was, and is! Again, there are several other things that I have since established but I’ll keep them in order, and you’ll read about them in a future post.

I knew that I needed to go back to my GP. I have found a young, female doctor in the practice that had gained some extra knowledge on perimenopause and menopause and was prepared to listen to me and offer HRT. I have therefore wanted to see her as much as possible. I called to make an appointment at the beginning of May and due to holiday and the accessibility of pre-bookable appointments I couldn’t get an appointment until 18 May, but I suppose that’s what you get when you are only prepared to see one doctor!

I knew that the chat with the doctor was not going to be an easy one; she asked how I was getting along with the HRT, which allowed me to broach the subject of testosterone. I cannot even describe her face; she was shocked that I was even asking this. Davina McCall’s second programme; Sex, Myths and the Menopause, had aired on 12 May. My lovely, young doctor went on to say something to the effect of ‘Davina has a lot to answer to’. Now, although I had told a couple of people about this second programme I had not, at that point, watched it myself and bear in mind that I had made the appointment at the beginning of May! I told the doctor this. She then said that testosterone is not licenced, for women, in the UK. Something that I also knew. As I said, I knew that the appointment was not going to be easy, but I had seen that some women were getting testosterone on the NHS. This was not going to be the case for me!

I had steeled myself for the fact that I was going to have to go down the private medicine route, but where do you start? As I have mentioned in Part 1, I am very aware of Dr Louise Newson but also aware that her private practice is in Stratford-upon-Avon, Warwickshire. Due to the amount of media attention that she has gained her clinic is busy. The likelihood of getting an appointment with her is slim, and there is a waiting list to see any of the other specialists in the clinic. I know that the appointments are over the phone for those who are not close by. I wanted to physically see a specialist.

I asked my doctor for some advice on this, and she advised me to go to the British Menopause Society (BMS) website. I’d never heard of them but then it is aimed at healthcare professionals. The beauty of the sight, from a lay person’s point of view, is that it allows you to search for a BMS menopause specialist. As the site says ‘A BMS menopause specialist is a healthcare professional who holds a recognised menopause educational qualification’; all of which can be seen on their website.

My GP did suggest a menopause specialist who was based in the Norwich area. Having left the appointment, I went back to work and started searching on Google! I did find the Norwich based specialist but then used the BMS website and found a specialist literally 12 miles from home, EveryWoman Health in Huntingdon.

I went straight to the website, read everything about the specialist, Dr Glenys Quartey-Irwin (I'll call her Dr Glenys from now on, as it's just easier!) and established that the clinic had only been open since the beginning of the year. After a discussion with my husband, I decided to book an appointment. The first one available was 12 July, 8 weeks ahead. Dr Glenys only runs her clinic two days a week, so it was what it was. As part of the appointment process, I completed 2 online questionnaires; it was all really straightforward to do. There was obviously a cost to booking the appointment, but it was something that I was prepared to do. Her fees are readily available to see on her website. I am in a position where I can afford this route; others aren't so lucky and I know that part of the 'menopause movement' is trying to make HRT accessible for all. 

On Saturday 21 May I received an email from Dr Glenys asking me to complete a questionnaire. When I booked the appointment, I hadn’t used my middle name (which isn’t actually my middle name; that’s another story!) but when I completed the form I had. Once I’d told her that I had already completed one she told me that the system had seen that I was two different people. She sorted this and then came back to me and advised that as I was already on HRT that I should have some blood tests before my appointment. This would allow her to have all the information that she would need prior to us meeting.

I paid for the blood tests, then called the company who facilitated this on the Monday and booked the blood tests two weeks before my appointment, so the end of June. This was to make sure that the results would be with the doctor by the time of my appointment. All I had to do now was to wait for the blood test appointment and then the specialist appointment.

On Friday 24 June, we went to a performance of Romeo and Juliet at The George Hotel, in Huntingdon. We'd been invited by our accountants. What started off as a lovely evening with a buffet meal at their office and then a sedate walk down to the hotel to watch the play turned into a nightmare! What happened is the tale of a 'Hollywood' script and deserves to have a blog post on it's own, so I will give it one! 

A spa weekend away with my best friend, at Aqua Sana, was a fantastic way to get over the excitement of the previous evening, spend time with her; an early 40th birthday present, and just relax before another hectic week!

On Tuesday 28 June I had my blood tests, I could tell a tale here, but I’m not going to. Let’s just say that something that should have been so simple ended up being a farce! The following day I received an email from Dr Glenys with the results. Although there was a partial explanation, what I read concerned me. I was apprehensive that what I was reading meant that what I was feeling was going to be diminished by the blood test results. Obviously, I’m no doctor or a specialist, so I’d just have to wait until my appointment. Easier to say than do!

During April, May and June there were supply issues with the Sandrena gel, so much so that the 1mg was not available from my chemist for more than 4 weeks. By the end of June I was running out of gel with no sign of the Sandrena being available. This resulted in the pharmacy suggesting that they could change the prescription to a patch. If they did this then I would lose the Sandrena prescription, which I most definitely didn’t want to do! I made contact with the doctor’s surgery and asked for a phone call. Having explained the situation, my GP agreed to send through a prescription for the Evorel 75 patch. This was the correct patch/dose equivalent of my 1.5mg Sandrena. I was prescribed a month’s supply and we discussed that it would be there as backup if there were supply issues with the Sandrena again.

In 2022 - A Year of HRT - Part 3 I will talk more about this and obviously my specialist appointment! 

2022 - A Year of HRT - Part 1: January to March

This post was going to be a long read! So much so that in July, I decided that as I’d been writing and amending it so many times since I posted my last blog in December 2021, A moment in time, that I needed to break it down into smaller chunks. This is the first of what will be four parts where I will catalogue my journey with HRT through 2022.

2022 – A year of HRT – Part 1: January to March

On Wednesday 12 January, I saw some highlights of Dr Louise Newson and Lisa Snowden's interview on This Morning and then watched the 16-minute interview the following morning. There were some really good points raised about the menopause, perimenopause, and HRT.

It got me thinking. Lisa Snowden stated that she started having symptoms at the age of 42 and she had no knowledge of menopause or perimenopause.

I was completely different. In my late 20's and early 30's I was a stay-at-home mum. Anyone who knew me then would laugh at the 'timetable' that was my life. One thing that I did do, at a certain point, was exercise on a rebounder for an hour a day. Not anything like the Bounce™ classes that I have been to in the last couple of years, just gentle rebounding and I generally used that time to watch Oprah! 

Oprah is 68 years old, so back when I was watching her in the early 2000's she would have been in her mid-40's so perimenopause and menopause would have been on her radar. I remember watching a programme where I was first introduced to the term perimenopause. Unlike Lisa Snowden who had no knowledge of this or really of the menopause, I was fully aware that I could be perimenopausal for possibly a decade before I then became menopausal. I even bought a book that Oprah suggested should be read. The idea was good, but the book remains unread, even to this day! In the following 20+ years I have bought several books on menopause always with the intention of reading them but guess what (?!) they have remained unread! I will come back to this in Part 3!

The difference that I faced was a general belief that I couldn’t ask for HRT and that if I did, I would be sent packing. Also, it took me a number of years to realise that some of the ‘flags’ were perimenopause symptoms. I am not someone who goes to see a doctor regularly. Over the past nine months I have seen healthcare professionals more than I have in the previous 5 years!

So, let’s get back to HRT; as I stated in A moment in time I started HRT on 12 November 2021. My NHS GP advised that the Gold standard in HRT was an oestrogen gel (Sandrena) and as I still have my uterus I would need progesterone too and that this should be supplied through the Mirena coil. I’d not heard anything from my practice two weeks after my physical appointment. I called and established that there was a waiting list of around three months to have the coil fitted! Having made the decision to start HRT, I wasn’t satisfied with waiting that long. After a phone consultation with the GP, she prescribed the progesterone in tablet form (100mg of Utrogestan) and 1mg of Sandrena. As I have previously said, within five days I noticed an almost immediate difference; muscle aches and pains disappeared, my mood was better and my attitude towards certain things was improved.

The Sandrena gel comes in a little silver sachet. I was squeezing this into my hand then putting it onto my outer thigh, alternating each night onto a different leg (if I could remember which leg I’d done the night before!). You should not rub the gel in as you do a moisturiser so as soon as I’d put it on, I was then washing my hands, so as not to transfer it onto anything or my husband! I saw a post on Instagram where someone suggested using a spatula. I found some fantastic small spatulas on Amazon. So, squeeze the sachet onto the spatula and then apply to my thigh. Easy, clean and trouble free! Although it would take about 30 minutes for the gel to ‘dry’.

When I started taking the progesterone tablet and applying the gel, I was two weeks off not having a ‘bleed’ for a year. The GP and I agreed that I should be on ‘continuous HRT’ as I was so close to the ‘magic’ year. At no point did I have any breakthrough bleeding, which I had been advised might happen, and the only adverse reaction was that I noticed that about 30 minutes after taking the Utrogestan, I got stomach cramps; nothing too severe, just like a mild period pain. Also, not a huge issue as I had been advised to take the pill and apply the gel at night-time, so I was falling asleep fairly quickly after taking it.

Some of the issues that surround perimenopause and menopause are about sharing experience and details. I am using this blog to share details, some of which might not make for pleasant reading; it’s my experience but does need to be shared.

On 24 January I had the Mirena coil fitted and stopped taking the Utrogestan. I expected to have some bleeding, due to how it is fitted. I’ve heard lots of negative comments about having a coil fitted. I can’t say that it was a pleasant experience, but it could have been worse! I do think that if I was a younger woman and had not had children this would have been completely different. When you have children you just tend to take ‘painful’ things in your stride. I had niggle bleeding for the first week and then a ‘proper’ bleed for at least 4 weeks. Bear in mind that I hadn’t had a bleed for 14 months to this point, so this was a little bit of a shock. I continued to bleed for approximately 16 weeks; not enough to worry about but enough that I did have to use a panty liner every day. I had a couple of chats with the GP and was told that it could take around six months for my hormones to settle down. I was reaching a point where I was going to ask to have the coil removed when it did settle down.

The breakthrough bleeding that I’d been warned about when starting HRT hadn’t materialised but change to the coil and naively, I’d expected that to still be the case; how wrong was I!

Four weeks after having the coil fitted, I had an appointment, with a nurse, to check its status. There were a couple of questions that I had which required a GP’s input. I had a telephone call and discussed that some of my symptoms had re-appeared; I was grumpier than I had been, to name just one. The GP increased my dose of Sandrena to 1.5mg.

As I’m over 50 I now have 3-yearly breast screening. This took place at the end of March and no issues were raised at this screening.

I follow several menopause specialists on Instagram as well as being part of forums/pages on Facebook. All of these I find really useful. You get an understanding that you are not the only one going through what you are plus hints and tips. Dr Louise Newson, @menopause_doctor, and the Balance app that she set up are amazing tools. I would advise everyone to download it. You can track your symptoms, and the articles on the app/website www.balance-menopause.com are invaluable plus the YouTube channel, balance Menopause. I also follow Dr Naomi Potter, @drmenopausecare, and also find everything that she has to say really informative. Dr Potter does a mid-week live Instagram with Lisa Snowden and they have recently created a YouTube channel called Menopause Madness. Davina McCall's new book, Menopausing, has also been written with Dr Naomi Potter.

As I approached the end of March, having been on HRT for just over four months, I still didn’t feel quite right. I knew that it wouldn’t be a magic fix and I also think that the daily bleed, though only slight, was getting me down. One of the biggest problems that we as women have is that we really don’t talk about this kind of thing. We start our monthly cycle and it’s something that we accept/put up with, along with all the pains and issues that go with them. I am of a generation where it just wasn’t really talked about. One thing that is happening is that prominent women, Davina McCall, Lisa Snowden, to name just two, are bringing perimenopause and menopause into the open. To be discussed. As the mother of boys, I didn’t have to have the ‘period’ conversation, but I have been very vocal about perimenopause with them. Mainly because at some point they may have a woman in their life who would go through it! I wanted them to have some understanding and to be supportive of their partner when that time comes.

If you want to continue reading how my year has gone, please read Part 2: April to June, Part 3: July to September and finally Part 4: October to December. Depending on when you are reading this they may or may not have been posted!

A moment in time

In the blink of an eye 10 years have gone by. On this day, 10 years ago, I reached my WW Goal weight. I'd been on a mission, I had a wedding that I was going to and it took me 5 months to reach my goal. 

We all know what a strange year 2020 was for the whole world and and as we head towards the end of 2021 we are still not out of the woods with COVID-19. 

On 1st January 2020 I was in a great place; my first granchild was just over two weeks old, our business was moving in a direction that we wanted it to and I had decided that I needed to take control of my eating. We were away on holiday so, new year's resolutions aside, I knew that I would not be making any real changes until we got home. 

I stood on the scales on 4th January 2020 and I was 4 stone (56 pounds) over my WW goal weight. A weight that I had not seen in over 20 years and way above where I'd started on that journey 8/9 years previously. As I have said in previous posts I am unsure whether, as I have got older, this goal weight is realistic, but that is something that did not need thinking about at this time! What needed to be thought about was that control was gone and I needed to gain some back!

I always do better staying in control when I have a target. At the start of 2020 this was a 50th Wedding Anniversary party in mid March; this was cancelled with the imminent threat that COVID-19 presented. As we went into the first UK Lockdown on 23 March I had managed to lose 14 pounds; not bad for 11 weeks, a steady one pound a week loss.

I have read many varied accounts about people taking control of their lives and those who lost all control during the various lockdowns that we had. I very firmly fall into the latter camp! Running your own business, not being able to operate that business and wondering if it will still be viable were all things that put an end to any of the good 'gains' that I had made. Coupled with not being able to see family and friends, being able to touch and hug, all added to firmly losing control; not just of food but of many things.

I started, again, in January 2021 determined that as I approached the age of 52 I would take back control. I did make it to my birthday (2 April) but I was hit with an unexpected wall in mid April. My focus was needed elsewhere. As many who struggle with weight loss would attest to you have to be selfish and it is very easy to put everyone before you. Once a mother, always a mother and when your child needs you, even as an adult, you do everything you can to help.

In mid October, I watched Davina McCall: Sex, Myths and Menopause. I had recorded it when it first aired on Channel 4 on 12 May but had wanted to watch it with my husband and had not been in a place where I could.  For the last 6+ years I have been talking about perimenopause to anyone and everyone who would and wouldn't listen! 

I have previously blogged about the many symptoms of perimenopause and menopause in my blog Trust me! When I wrote that blog in August 2015 I had 18 of the 40 that are on this list. To date, I can say that I have now experienced at least 23. I went to see a GP in April 2015 as my headaches/migraines were so bad. I can't remember when I first went to the GP to talk about my perimenopause symptoms but I cannot believe that in that appointment that I didn't discuss the fact that I knew that they were cyclical and therefore hormone related. At a subsequent appointment with a medical professional I was prescribed anti-depressants. No talk of HRT (Hormone Replacement Therapy)! I took these on and off for about 18 months but something didn't feel right. They were masking other issues! I no longer have migraines but other symptoms have taken over! 

October is Menopause month in the UK and Davina McCall, via Instagram, was posting daily symptoms related to menopause and perimenopause. Several posts hit home and one on weight gain grabbed my attention. Davina said, 'I often get asked if hrt makes u lose weight. It doesn't. But, it might give you the energy to want to do something about it.' Another on Electric Shock Syndrome (ESS) made me make a call to my GP. I was experiencing something like this which in the back of my mind was perimenopausal but reading this post confirmed it. My last period was 28th November 2020, so I was on the cusp of that magic year being period free. 

This last year has seen a huge campaign in the UK to dispel some myths around HRT and the get women the support they need whilst going through the menopause.

After a tearful telephone appointment with a female GP she agreed to send me links to some HRT information and an appointment was booked for a week later. At the same time I weighed up my options regarding weight loss. As I have blogged before, I have been following a variant of the WeightWatchers (now WW) since my early 20s. I am aware that many people now follow the Slimming World plan but I CANNOT eat food that makes a 'treat' a 'syn'. I know that it's psychological but I want to be able to eat whatever I want without ever feeling guilty about it.

On Monday 8th November I weighed myself, it had been a while; then I opened the WW app. (The app has never been off my phone in the 7 years since I downloaded it!) Oh no! it's that time of year when WW 'mess' with everything that you know! I do say that with a hint of sarcasm; the WW plan is usually modified every 2 years due to advances in science. I took the quiz and read everything about 'PersonalPoints'. 

Initial thoughts  . . . I can't do this! I looked at this new way for 5 days. Every time I took the questionnaire it changed my daily allowance! If I'm honest I couldn't see that it would work but I needed to do something. What I would say is that having read all the information provided by WW, 'PersonalPoints' is, in my mind, all about planning. Something that I have always advocated and even blogged about before.

I started on HRT on Friday 12th November. I sat and planned all my meals (and snacks) for the following week. Stood on the scales on Saturday 13th November; nearly back to the weight of 4th January 2020, but not quite! 

So, here we are on the 4th December 2021, 10 years after I reached my WW Goal weight! I am 3 weeks into HRT and restarting WW on my own PersonalPoints. I can already tell the difference that HRT has made; little gains like being able to walk down the stairs in the morning without painful ankles. This might actually lead to being able to go for long walks again (fingers crossed!). Something that I used to enjoy but have fallen out of love with. I have dropped 7 pounds. I have gone swimming weekly; little steps! I feel motivated. I have more energy and after speaking to the doctor yesterday I hope that things will only get better; she has suggested that it might take 6/8 weeks for the HRT to really take effect.

HRT may not be for everyone but if you have just a few of the symptoms listed above speak to your doctor. I wish that I had been more forceful 6 years ago.

As I said at the start of this post, I do better when I have something to aim towards. That's a foreign holiday (what's one of those?!) in November 2022. A year to lose and maintain some weight. A year of HRT and let's hope some motivation to start exercising again! 

Here's to my 50's!

What a journey!

Did you ever make plans, stick to them, then life happens and gets in the way and you have to re-evaluate those plans?

Let me reassure you that you are not the only one!

I started on this blog journey just over three years ago. I had stopped being a WeightWatchers leader (now known as WW Coach) and hoped that others could read  a little bit of me and see my daily struggles as theirs might also be.

I love the illustration that I have put on this post; you set your plans out and life sometimes throws great big valleys in the way. You end up travelling much further on your journey than going the straight route!

This is how my life has been for well over two years.

Two years ago I completed the 50km Thames Path Challenge, as a walk. Four months previously I'd completed the Moonwalk, for those reading outside England, this is not a Michael Jackson dance but a 26.2 mile overnight power walk around London. This I completed in just over 7 hours. Some feat! It would be fair to say that I had really enjoyed training for the Moonwalk but afterwards I 'crashed' and my passion and desire for walking, or indeed any exercise, died.

At the beginning of September I decided that my lifestyle needed a kick up the backside! I've got happy and content in my relationship and taking time for me seemed to have dropped off the radar. To put this in some context, two years ago I was happily a UK dress size 8/10 and had become a size 14/16. Some might say, 'I'd love to be a size 14!', but I have always maintained that weight and dress size are about what you are comfortable with. I did not like being a size 14, bordering on a size 16. From a weight perspective I would say that six weeks ago I weighed 56 pounds more than I did at my lowest weight, which was in February 2012. That weight is too low for me now, to be fair it was then too! As I approach my fiftieth birthday, in less than six months, I know where I need to be plus I am now loved by a man who accepts me for who I am and just wants me to be happy with me.

My best friend told him, when she first met him, that I was driven and that nothing would stand in my way when I made a decision, about weight loss. For as long as I have known her I have mostly been single; therefore the only person that I needed to worry about was me. Okay, I did have two teenagers but meal planning was done around them and it worked well for the best part of seven years!

I have always maintained that for me to be in control of my weight management, I have to plan and track what I eat. Taking time for me included planning meals and taking time to exercise. Because walking had been my 'go to' exercise, for so long, that's what I went back to. On Sunday 2 September I went for a walk. I walked for an hour. My ankles, which have started to become a real issue since peri-menopause, ached so badly that at times I could have sat down and cried. One of my knees, which has also been causing me problems, was also an issue. I felt very deflated by the whole experience.

I have had my gym membership for over a year and been failing to use it, like so many people, I guess! Feeling as I did, I knew that going into the gym would be a problem but it has a swimming pool so I decided that was where I would start. 30 minutes swimming can and would be as good as any 30 minutes that I could do on a treadmill, and let me tell you I'd never be able to run for 30 minutes on a treadmill!!

So, six weeks on. My meals are planned and tracked, on a weekly basis. Exercise, swimming, is planned every week; I try to go three times a week but sometimes it's only twice. I am 12 pounds down. We ALL want to lose weight quickly, but the correct journey would be slow and steady wins the race 😊When I started back on the correct path it was 16 weeks until Christmas and 16 weeks until my wedding! The plan had been to lose 14 pounds (1 stone) by then. That was realistic; understanding that I now live with someone and I cannot be as 'in control' as I was when I was single! Obviously, as I am nearly at that goal and we still have another 10 weeks to go the new goal is 21 pounds. If I lose much more than that then my wedding dress will need altering!

Back to the illustration; in July 2011 I started what I planned would be my FINAL journey with weight loss. For five plus years I managed to keep on a fairly straight path but the last two years have been more like the second picture; getting stuck in the water and not being able to get out, or stuck in that valley and not being tall enough to reach the ladder to climb out. YOU HAVE TO BE MOTIVATED! Yes, my motivation is my own wedding. I am also not saying that it is easy because temptation comes in many forms but sometimes it just takes doing something. 

Preparation is key; without it life is just so much more difficult. The journey will throw many obstacles in your way. Some you may sit on for a while, some may push you backwards but the key is just to carry on this journey through life.

Spread your wings . . .

Tomorrow sees the end of an era for me; my last day working in a job that I have held in one form or another for nearly 12 years. It will also bring to an end an association that I have had for nearly 14 years.

In March 2004, I became a governor on the then Temporary Governing Body of the planned new secondary school for Hampton, Peterborough. That school was to be called Hampton College. My eldest son started as one of the first 90 students in Year 7 when it opened for it's first day in September 2005. There are still 7 members of teaching staff and 2 members of support staff who started then that are still part of the now Academy Trust. I, as a governor, was involved in the direct interview of 4 of those teachers. 

I started working at Hampton College in April 2006; the first job that I had held since I had become a mother in 1994. I have learnt so much about myself in those 12 years. I hope that I have left an imprint of myself on not only colleagues but most definitely on some young people too. There are several that have left an impact on me!

I was a caterpillar that has turned into a butterfly; shed my cocoon and learnt how to fly. Some who know me now will have seen that growth. Others will struggle to imagine who I was as they have only seen who I am now. Some may even be able to tell stories of 'tweed' 😏 and can tell you how different I am now!

I now have a confidence and belief that means that I am ready to face a new challenge.

It can never be said that when I do things that I do them by half. I am an all or nothing kinda girl, which also makes me a marmite person, something that I am totally aware of 😉; you either like me or hate me, there is no middle ground!

Some may be surprised to know that I don't really do fuss and would rather slink out the door with no-one seeing me. That has not been allowed to happen. Last Friday I had the delight of over 40 friends and colleagues being at a surprise leaving meal for me; some of those that I have worked with closely over that time but who have moved on too, also being there. I did shed a few tears every now and again that night. I hope they all know how much it meant to me 💖

Before I had children I worked in the world of retail. My first Saturday job was at Habitat, which I loved. I was given responsibilities, as a 17 year old, that I now can look back on and see that the store manager saw something in me that I didn't even realise! Having failed my A levels miserably and losing out on my place at university to study Speech Therapy I had to look at what else I could do. My first full-time job was working for a small family business, in Oundle, who sold curtains and carpets. I drove a Bedford Rascal van 🚚; basically a tin on wheels!  Last week, a very good friend repeated words that I have said many a time, 'I used to drive a van, don't you know'! My dad taught me the life skill of using your wing mirrors to park a vehicle in that Bedford Rascal as it had no rear windows to help you! He drove buses whilst at university to feed us!

I then moved onto larger objects, selling furniture in Westgate House. A job I loved, I could sell! Must be that engaging personality!? When I left, heavily pregnant with my first child, I was the assistant manager on the department; funny that he is now in retail and also loves it. We are people people!

Roll on nearly 25 years; I have grown to understand and accept who I am. 11 years ago a friend wanted me to run the office of the business that she and her husband had bought. That 'Tessa' did not have the confidence to do that, but she saw those qualities. Fast forward to February 2018 and I am leaving an institution that has been a part of my life. My growth, changing this caterpillar into a butterfly who is strong and able to spread her wings. I am humble and do sometimes still have doubts, so do need reminding that I have strength. I have found that in a wonderful man.

I am leaving the place that has 'made' me, leaving behind some friends, who I hope will continue to be friends. Challenges face me and us, but that is exciting! I am going to help grow a fledgling business and give it some of me. My administration skills, my organisation skills, my people skills, oh and my selling skills, returning to the world of retail! I might need to learn a few things about cars, vans and campers but life is all about learning!

Living and working together will be fun. We may have some exciting challenges through our journey but I have spent the last 12 years working with teenagers; a 44 year old man and his 70 year old parents can't be too much harder can they?!

My favourite poem of all time is by Robert Frost, The Road Not Taken;

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both

And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth; 

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim
Because it was grassy and wanted wear,
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day! 
Yet knowing how way leads on to way
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I,
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference. 

This road, that I have taken, may not be an easy one and is likely to have many challenges in its way but I am very excited by the life that I am choosing. Life is a journey . . . 

Take a deep breath

Have you ever had that feeling, that sometimes you have to take a deep breath and start again? Or New Year, new you?

Food and weight are funny things; one of my brothers would say that we have the fat gene. I am not entirely sure that this is true but I would definitely say that my relationship with food is an interesting thing.

I would say that once you have a weight problem, you always have a weight problem. I recently heard someone say that there was a fat person continually trying to come out of them. For those of you that have followed my blog since I stopped being a WeightWatchers leader, or for those of you that are new to my blog, I just want to remind you that I'm normal!

My previous blog told you how happy I am; there is a side to this that comes at a cost! My man snacks! I can't eat the snacks that he does but guess what, in the year that we've been together he has turned me into a snacker! That is not entirely true or fair to him; haven't you just read that I said once you have a weight problem you always have a weight problem, even if you have shifted that weight?! I am also going to use a word that many people will sigh when reading 'oh, no here she goes again mentioning that word'; peri-menopause!

In the last year I have lost a little weight and gained a whole load more 😒 Is this the fat person trying to get out or is this contentment? My man would say that he doesn't have a problem with where I am so I shouldn't, but I do! I've said it before; I know what to do, I know how to do it and I know the success that can be had. So what to do? The answer may not be the same for all but for me it's about taking control and the start of that is by returning to a WeightWatchers meeting.

This I did last night; faced the horror of the scales . . . and it was a horror. Want to know how horrific? I weighed more than I have in over 10 years. This is really not good but in actual fact I have done the hardest thing for me and possibly for a lot of people and that is to accept where I am, draw a line under it and start again. How many times have I said that? If you read back through Tessa's Moments you will probably find too many times to count! Life is a journey and weight loss is part of that never ending journey for me. Sometimes the fat person gets out and takes over until I reach a point where I don't want to live like that anymore.

My man sees me as a whole person not just about weight, size or how others look at me but I'm not comfortable being the size I currently am. That is what is the most important thing. We should never do things because of what others think of us. Success will never come. We should always do what makes us happy.

Yesterday was Monday, the start of the new working week and although going to my meeting last night and not 'officially' starting until today I had to take back some control before standing on the scales last night! Lunchtimes are a real challenge for me. I use that time to leave work and go for a walk, clear my head and get some fresh air. The problem is that there is a Tescos Extra about half a mile from where I work. Yesterday, and indeed today, have been the first time in over four months that I have managed to go there without buying sweets! I don't do things by halves . . . ever, so we are not talking about one packet or bag. Tescos do 3 for £1.20 and have regular offers on pouch bags; how can one possibly resist?! Well, I have managed for two days! I just need to keep that up and break the bad habit that I have got into. 

I have said this before and will indeed say it again, I'm sure. For me to keep control of my weight I have to track everything that I eat. The beauty of WeightWatchers is that you are given a budget; you stick to that budget. The way to do it, like my bank account, is to keep a track of it! Rule #1: Remind myself that this is what works for me and I have to keep doing it.

So, back to the start of this post; I have taken a deep breath and started again. I am in the final fifteen months of my forties, most of which have been amazing and a real learning experience for me. I need to make sure that the lessons that I have learned in this decade stand me in stead for moving into my fifties and being fit, fabulous and fantastic. The first thing is to regain control of this weight thing!