Time for reflection

Yesterday I did one of those things on Facebook that you will all have seen and possibly done; what does your name mean in Japanese? I am not sure how it does it but so many times when you do these kinds of things they come out very close to who you are! Mine said the following;
'You are an incredibly generous person and always find a way to get on well with other people. You also can't help but feel responsible for those around you and try to help them out whenever you can. You handle setbacks well because you know that it's only by learning from your mistakes that you grow as a person.'

I am hoping that those of you who have never met me have realised that whilst reading this blog that I am always honest; those of you that have met and spent time with me will know that is what I am - honest. My reason for starting the blog was to try and help at least one person with something that I write and I know from comments that at least one person has been encouraged to do something that they might have ignored had they not read what I'd written plus also to make sure that I was 'walking the walk'!

I have thought about this post for some time and I was going to do two separate posts to discuss a couple of topics but I realised that they actually intertwined so I'm just going to do one post! 

This year has been an interesting one. I won't say difficult as I know that for some of you reading this your struggles this year have been huge; much more than anything that I have been through.

This time last year I weighed 10 pound less than I currently do and at my lowest weight, approximately 5 weeks later, 15 pounds less than I currently do. This may not seem a lot to some of you but for me I can really tell it in my clothes! So I have struggled with my weight all year; I am not the heaviest that I have been but I do need to take control. I know why I have struggled and I hope that someone might take some positive from the comments that I am about to make. When I started on my last serious weight loss journey, just over 4 year ago, I had a destination to go to; a friend's wedding. It was my goal and I was much more successful than even I thought that I could be. The problem that I have had since is that I have had no 'real' goal, apart from maintaining my weight. 

Last year I went on holiday with my best friend, Hannah, so I suppose that was a goal; I needed to still look good in my bikini! Since then, apart from being within 5 pounds of my goal weight at the beginning of December (my WeightWatchers goal anniversary), I really haven't had that one thing to aim towards. . . that is until now!

Around this time 11 years ago I was participating in the Cycle the Nile challenge; something that still makes me really proud to have completed. At some point on that trip my room mate, Anne, and I bought belly dancing outfits and 'talked' about trying to do the Moonwalk the following year. It never materialised but, a couple of months ago, I had a 'Tessa Moment' with regards to doing the Moonwalk. On Tuesday this week entries opened for the Moonwalk 2016'; at 9am I was straight on it signing up! The theme is carnival. I have already got some fantastic ideas to decorate my bra! For those of you that do not know the premise of the Moonwalk, it is a marathon distance, 26.2 miles, power walk. The mission of the charity is to 'raise money, raise awareness, get fit and have fun!' Walk the Walk came into being 15 years ago when 13 women power walked the New York City marathon in their bras to raise money and awareness for breast cancer. To date the charity has raised in excess of £79 million for vital breast cancer causes. 

The Moonwalk covers so many bases for me! Since I acknowledged the lump that I had in my armpit and faced my fears I have wanted to do something whilst I am fit and healthy to raise money for breast cancer causes. I enjoy walking; if my mother reads this she will have one of those laugh out loud moments as she probably never thought that she would hear me saying that! Plus there will be added benefits for me . . . I will be forced to take control and will need to train for the event. 
                                  
I also have plans for an outfit!! I did a bit of Google searching for carnival outfits and found this! Wouldn't it be great to customise my bra and wear some shorts that look a bit like this?! I'm also thinking a head-dress as well!?! Three friends have also signed up and I have created a group name of Tessa's Moments, of course!

To pull this outfit off I need to be fit. . . my stomach will never look like that but I can try!! 

So with this in mind I have had to reassess what I am doing. I posted a couple of weeks ago that I had started Insanity. I have to admit to failing miserably!! I did not get passed week 1; I just could not start week 2. The thought of it filled me with dread! I need to do exercise, obviously I have been walking to and from work most days and a couple of longer walks at weekends but I have to do something else. . . and something, more importantly, that I enjoy. I've said that I own several exercise DVD's and even which one I love the most; really I should have read what I was writing!!! I have always said that exercise should be enjoyed. . . so with that I got my Kettleworx (kettlebell) DVD's out. I love it; 20/25 minutes of exercise 3 times a week. Totally manageable! I have also been using my rebounder if I haven't done my 12000 steps a day then I get on my rebounder and do them. It's another great form of exercise.

So what's the goal? Initially, it's to lose 7 pounds in the next 6 weeks (Christmas party!); if it's more great but as I always say I'm setting a realistic target. I need to post each week about how I'm doing! I need to use this as my confessional or meeting or whatever you want to describe it as!

Moonwalk 2016 here we come . . . fitter, healthier, smaller and raising money for good causes plus doing it with great friends and maybe meeting some new ones along the way. . . 

So I'm trying to learn from mistakes that I have made this year and encouraging anyone else out there reading this that if it's gone 'a bit wrong' then start again. Are you back where you started and are feeling despondent? Don't . . . try and learn from your mistakes and start again. . . take one day at a time and congratulate yourself when you get successfully through that day. That's what I'm doing!!! I've managed 8 days in a row! Wow!! 

I'm SAD

I have always thought that I didn't like the autumn and winter months and that if you were to ask me what my favourite season was then I would definitely say spring. 

This is still true but whilst out on my walk yesterday I realised that I don't dislike them at all; the beautiful colours of autumn are something to behold. I love snow and hope that the forecast for this winter comes true; I can't wait for those possible snow days when school can't open and we are deep in it!

These are the pictures I took yesterday morning and there is a theme; the sun is shining! What I realised is that what I don't like about the autumn and winter months are two things; it can be dark and dreary. When the sun is shining it's fine!

I first became aware that I had Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) about eight years ago; I may have had it before that but this is when I really acknowledged that I had a problem. I haven't been to the doctor as I know that there is little that they can do and if you have read any of my previous blogs you will also know that I am not someone who likes to take pills to relieve my issues. I'm not saying that is wrong; it's just not for me.

So how did I know that I had a problem? The easiest way to say it is that I crashed, both physically and mentally. I had three days off work; a Wednesday, Thursday and Friday. I can pinpoint the date almost exactly; the Thursday was the last Thursday in November. My parents live in Scotland. My mum was so worried about me that she made up some excuse to come and visit and to check on my well-being. Over the last seven years I have crashed at exactly the same time; I don't always have time off work as I am able to manage my symptoms. The only year that I didn't have any major symptoms was four years ago when I was going to the gym three times a week; natural endorphin's created through exercise! It wasn't until Christmas that year that I realised that I had gotten through this period with few symptoms.

I am aware that there was a catalyst the first time that I crashed and although I have been able to manage my emotions much better over the last seven years there is still a burden that is there. How often are things tied up with memories; good and bad?!

Knowing when I will be at my weakest emotionally and physically can be a good thing. What I have tried to do is have something 'good' to look forward to. The people who I have worked with for a number of years, and have seen me go through this every year, can see the downward spiral. Although they don't say anything they are always there to support me. My best friend has also been great. As I blogged over the weekend; friends are a must in life and will truly help and support when we need it!

If you don't know anything about SAD here are some symptoms;

• Feelings of sadness and despair
• Irritability
• Crying spells
• Poor sleep
• Tiredness and fatigue
• Body aches
• Trouble concentrating
• Lack of motivation
• Loss of sex drive
• Overeating and associated weight gain

As I read these I did have a chuckle to myself as so many of them are perimenopausal symptoms!!

The mornings are noticeably darker than they were at the beginning of September and what has happened at night?! The clocks change in under two weeks; okay that's an hour extra in bed to start with but very quickly it will be still dark when I leave for work AND dark when I get home.

I know that I need daylight and hope that my walk to work will at least give me some. I need to make a point of going for a walk during my lunch break to get as much exposure to light as I can. 

By mid December, even though that is the shortest day I am starting to feel better but then after the shortest day the days start getting longer again and by the end of January there is a significant difference in the amount of daylight there is!

Treatment for SAD;

• Bright light therapy - my dad bought me a light box a couple of years ago, an eBay purchase! I've never taken it out of the box! Maybe this is the year I should?!
• Temporary or permanent relocation to sunnier climes - that's not going to happen yet but maybe I ought to contemplate a move to Florida when I'm older?!
• Psychotherapy and counselling - isn't this what friends are for?! Well they are cheaper!
• Vitamin D supplements - never tried this and as I'm going to start taking my magnesium tablets again maybe I should just add these to the list; I'll rattle soon!

I may be joking but I can say that the cloud that has started to come over me isn't really a joking matter; I do know that there is light at the end of the tunnel!!

Symptom 8 - Trouble sleeping

This picture could not be more true! The clock appears to be on 2 am ish and I have lost count of the amount of times that I have seen that time!

Trouble sleeping, for me as a perimenopause woman, comes in many varieties from not being able to get to sleep when you are absolutely shattered to falling asleep quite happily but then waking up anytime after midnight and clock watching for maybe hours or being in a vicious cycle of waking, falling asleep then waking again and falling asleep. I don't remember my sleep pattern being disturbed as much during pregnancy or even with having small children waking in the night because they'd lost their dummy out of the cot, they needed the toilet or because they were ill!

Like many of the perimenopausal symptoms that I get this one does not affect me all month; it only strikes in the week to ten days before my period starts. I also get other symptoms at this time but I'll blog them separately. Now for someone who currently has an average cycle of twenty-four days that is quite a lot but I hold on to the fact that for at least fourteen days a month I do sleep 'fairly' normally!

I found this image on the National Sleep Foundation website looking at how much sleep was good for us. As an adult between the age of 25 and 64 I should be having a seven to nine hours sleep; I definitely get this on the other fourteen days of the month but that ten days before my period starts well that is a totally different matter. I'd like to be generous and say that the minimum that I can get is four hours sleep and maybe I can get seven on a 'good' night. The problem with this is that this sleep is disturbed so it is never a 'good' night's sleep. Like many of my perimenopause symptoms I have been experiencing this for over two years now.

Lack of sleep makes me irritable! Really?! Yes, it's true! 

About six months ago I started looking at alternative remedies as I am loath to go to the doctors and ask about HRT; I'd very much like to be able to find something else to help get me through. One of the things I have tried I will blog about separately and it may have to be a video blog as writing may not do it justice! I have shared my experiences with two friends who had somehow missed out on this 'trial' over the last couple of days and the laughs we have had have been amazing! One of those Tessa moments!!!!

Anyway, where was I?! Having done a bit of research I decided that I needed to take a magnesium supplement. The supplement that I bought was called We Support Magnesium-OK; it is a food supplement that also has other 'things' included in it. Like everything related to perimenopause you will never get a 'quick' fix (I wish!). I was really good and took it for approximately six weeks; once a day at my evening meal. It appeared to work, I did not experience the insomnia that I usually do so t was a good thing. The problem that I had was that I kept forgetting to take it!

This month the insomnia has been really bad. I have a stock pile of magnesium supplements; 120 tablets to be precise which is approximately five monthly cycles for me! I am going to start taking them again to see if that one month was a fluke or that it was having a placebo effect on me. I just need to set myself a reminder to take them . . . oh that's Symptom 17 - Faulty Memory!! Ha ha welcome to another one!

Friends

We all need friends, some of us more than others. My friends keep me sane (or maybe not!?) 

What makes a great friend? I'm not sure that there is a definitive answer to that; friends could be like cocktails, different ones for different occasions! At certain times in our lives we might need friends for very different reasons.

Do men and women have the same need for friends? I'm not sure and as a woman I can only answer for myself. As we travel on life's journey we may have had several different friendships. As a woman in my mid 40s I can say that I have had a 'best friend' in every decade of my life and each one of them has been different. I'm not sure what that says about me, maybe nothing, but maybe more about the fact that at different times in our lives we need different things out of friendships. I have to say that I am still in contact with all but one of my 'best friends' that I have had since the age of 18. It always amazes me that you can go for ages, maybe even years, and that you can meet up and just carry on where you last finished.

I am someone who will always offer a hand of friendship to anyone but I am maybe not very good at asking for help myself! So when I do my friends generally know that I am in need! I am the type of woman who doesn't need anyone to give me answers, usually! What I often require from a friend is just someone to listen to me speak. . . okay, they might be listening to me for a while!! Seriously a good friend, to me, does not try and solve my problems they listen, offer advice and don't judge. . . what works for them might not work for me.

Friends are also people that you can share memories with. . . and boy do I have some amazing memories from times that I have spent with friends. Sometimes just laughing can be the best form of remedy that anyone needs!

Let's spend time together and make loads more!

I keep losing weight. . .

They sold this in Next last Christmas and I loved it so much that it was on my Christmas wish list.

I once had a member in a WeightWatchers meeting say that once you had a weight problem then you always have a weight problem; some of us learn how to manage it but it is something that will always have to be managed. If you take your eye off the ball then it smacks you in the face and very quickly you can end up right where you started. . . anyone else know that feeling?!

I have previously mentioned in this blog that I have all the tools and having spent three years as a WeightWatchers leader I definitely know what to do . . . but that doesn't mean that I always do it!!! #normal 

Whilst on countdown to my boys leaving and going to university I can honestly say that I took my eye off the ball; I was comfort eating and they both knew that the way to my heart were haribos and crunchies! I will admit to eating quite a few of these over the last five weeks!

Knowing that I was starting Insanity meant that I also had to take my eating back under control; so I did what I would always adhere to. I have tracked everything that I have eaten. I have used the WeightWatchers and MyFitnessPal apps. I have set myself a realisitic target of 1 lb a week which means that by Christmas I would have hopefully lost 12 to 14 lbs.

I know that many people reading this will be struggling or have reached a plateau. Always remind yourself WHY you want to lose weight, or why you DID lose weight. Take each day at a time and set yourself some small, achievable targets.

Some people lose weight really easily and for some of us it takes time. Even not losing weight means that you haven't put any on!

This week has gone well; I have resisted the biscuit tin at work and cake Friday! I've stood on the scales today and was happy with the outcome. I am unlikely to blog about my weight loss each week but rather do it once a month; I believe that that is a more realistic and honest way to look at weight loss especially as a perimenopausal woman!

Are you insane woman?!

About fifteen years ago (!) I was first described by a then five year old boy as 'the nutty woman'. I did things that I thought were normal but that he had never witnessed in his short life; my antics always brought a smile to his face, probably my intention. He and his mother know who they are and I'm sure that some of my antics would still bring a bemused smile to their faces!

How many exercise videos do you own? Honestly?! Every New Year when the 'celebrities' bring out a new one do you go and buy yourself one?? I have over the years bought many; the first Davina exercise DVD (I have difficulty doing any Davina DVD as so many of her mannerisms are mine!), Tracey Shaw, Salsa, before the days of Zumba, Kettleworx (I do love this one). There are too many to list I could go on and on!

As I believe one of my sons lovingly told me once, 'all the gear, no idea'! Well you have to have the right exercise gear before you start, don't you?!

I first saw an infomercial for Insanity about six years ago whilst on a Christmas break in New York. I'd never seen anything like it and when I eventually saw the same infomercial on British TV a number of years later I knew that I had to own it. I think it took at least another year to pluck up the courage to actually buy it! That I did a little over two years ago.

Insanity, for those who don't know, is a 63 day total body workout programme given in a series of DVDs that is as the title so rightly says . . . INSANE!

This programme is not for the faint-hearted and I am not suggesting that you all go out and buy it. Here we go with a Tessa Moment!! The first time that I attempted the programme I got to day 43; for the first four weeks you exercise for no more than 40 minutes six out of seven days. Days 29 to 35 are called Recovery (!) but the DVDs are still 40 minutes long. Once you hit day 36 the minimum amount of time spent each day is about 60 minutes.

How often have you said I don't have time to exercise? If it's important to you, you will make the time but what I have learnt is that when I am doing an exercise DVD I really don't like anyone else to be around so I was getting up at the crack of dawn to do the exercises as I was still holding down a full-time job and at that point doing three WeightWatchers meetings a week! Something had to give and yes it ended up being Insanity. . . 

Insanity is one of those things that when you are doing it you are dying but afterwards you feel great; the prospect of starting it is very daunting though. I attempted to do the programme again about this time last year but quit at day 45 . . . two days better than last time and now doing four WeightWatchers meetings a week!!

That takes us to now. . . today is day 6 and I WILL do it this time!! I have an empty nest, I no longer do WeightWatchers meetings so when I come home from work I can just think about me!! 

The first time I did Insanity I heard my calf 'pop' about three days into it; there is a lot of 'jumping'. What I realised is that MY body couldn't cope with the repetition of movement on a hard floor. I was 44 then, I'm now 46!! I own a rebounder, which I has been in the family for over 30 years! I think my parents still have one too! I have replaced the 'mat' on it once but it was fantastic when the kids were little. I now use the rebounder for all the exercises that require my body to be lifted off the floor; this means less strain on my joints and actually I'm getting more of a workout as the I'm having to balance on the rebounder.

My eldest son has always said that I can't do it. . . this time I want to prove him wrong! My last workout is on Saturday 28 November. I have one of my brothers as inspiration as he has done it and his before and after pictures are amazing. I haven't taken any photos this time as for me it's actually about completing it and if I look amazing at the end of it that will be a bonus!!

New potato stir-fry

This is such a simple easy dish!

I have it with chicken but to be honest you could have it with anything; fish, steak, pork chops, a vegetarian option, you name it.

The portion that I made here was just for one and it can be easily made for more by just adding extra per person.



Ingredients

• 100 g new potatoes
• 1 red onion, chopped
• 1 green pepper, sliced
• 1 red pepper, sliced
• 1 yellow pepper, sliced
• 1 garlic clove, crushed

Method

Firstly, I steam the new potatoes. I steam all my vegetables and have done for over twenty odd years now. If you are not steaming them then just boil them. I generally set them cooking before I start the preparation of the rest of the vegetables.

Remove the skin of the red onion and I generally cut it into eighths depending on the size of the red onion used. Then de-seed and slice all the peppers. Add a glug of oil into a plan to heat up and then add the onion and the peppers; stir-fry for a while and then add the crushed garlic. I usually cook this until everything has sweated down and all the peppers and onions have started the caramelize; it is totally up to taste though.

With about ten minutes of cooking time left I heat another pan and then, having cut the potatoes into quarters, i then saute them off. For the last minute of cooking i add the potatoes to the onions and peppers. When I first started making this I used to stir-fry the potatoes with the onions and peppers but they did not hold their form very well, hence the reason that I dirty another pan!

For the meal that I have photographed I used a chicken breast and just sprinkled it with a seasoning; you could use anything. I then cooked it in my George Foreman but it could be grilled or cooked in the oven.

This is a really bright, colourful, healthy, easy meal to make . . . oh and delicious!