Sunday morning walk

This walk on a Sunday morning has become part of my routine; either on my own or in the company of friends. I walk from my home to Orton Mere where I wait to see if I will continue my walk on my own or if I have been joined by friends; today I had the pleasure of my own company.

I contemplated taking a shorter route but then realized that I would be cheating myself; so I embarked on the usual route. 

The beauty of walking on your own is that you can clear your own head space and also become aware of nature that is around you.



I regularly see one heron but today I think that I actually saw three separate ones at different points. The first one I took a photo of. I then saw the second one just close to this family out for a swim.

Heron - 30 August 2015

Family of swans - 30 August 2015

This is the start and end of my walk; crossing over the A1139 back to Hampton. An eight(ish) mile walk that has all kinds views!

#emptynest

Empty nest picture

I am on countdown! In approximately three weeks time I will have finished a very long day driving my two sons to Sheffield, one to continue with his degree and the other to start his. Although they are both in the same city they will be at different university's . . . 

. . . so what am I going to do?! It has been suggested that I have a party; that may come in time but the very first thing that I am going to do is reclaim my house from young adults!

Having thought about the fact that as I'm in the throws of perimenopause and thinking how similar it is to puberty, I have had time to reflect on my years as a teenager, especially those as a late teen and a young woman in her early twenty's. 

I regularly claim that my house has been hit by a bomb and this quote says it all. Having had the pleasure of my eldest son home for the best part of four months, I collected him on 29 May, I can confirm that having him plus my other son AND their two girlfriends, for a significant amount of that time, has made me feel just like this!

I have often gone to bed at night and hoped that the house fairy might have performed miracles when I get up in the morning only to discover when I open my door and walk down the stairs that nothing has changed.

Now here I will admit that my parents had to leave the nest as I wouldn't leave them . . . well that's how I see it! My parents abandoned me at the age of nineteen to move to the middle of nowhere in Scotland! This is not 'actually' true, it depends on how you tell the story!! I have three much younger brothers who 'had' to move with my parents but I was able to make a choice. I, at nineteen, had a job and a boyfriend and the prospect of moving the the West coast of Scotland, no matter how beautiful it is, was not even on my agenda!

I lived in my parents house for about six months, sold it for them; I like to claim that I did! (I was in sales at the time!!) I then lived in a flat of my own for about a year. My dad visited me once a month (that's a whole different story!) and he would say that he would have to do a month's worth of washing up before he could even make himself a cup of tea as there were never any clean plates, cups or cutlery! (I would also point out that he was making his own cup of tea; where was I offering him one?!) How times have changed!! He would also say that the bath was only ever cleaned when he came!

I am regularly told that 'it isn't that bad' and 'we've seen worse' . . . but as I say 'THIS IS MY HOUSE AND I WANT IT TO LOOK NICE . . . ONCE IN A WHILE'!

So, although it drives me potty that my house does not look like a show home and has had that 'lived in, student look' for the last four months I know that at some point these young people in my lives will understand what living in a clean house means . . . hopefully!!

I have wondered what I will do when I wake up on the first Sunday morning on my own. I've come up with many ideas but the first will actually be to spend the day cleaning. Now I am very aware that this may take more than one day but I will start it. The second major job on the list is to start decorating . . .

Guess How Much I Love You by Sam McBratney, and illustrated by Anita Jeram, was first published in 1994; I bought it for our eldest son, who was born in 1994, when his little brother was born in 1997. 'I love you to the moon and back' is something that we have regularly said to each other; although obviously as they have got older this has become less frequent! They are boys! 

This is for both of them . . . as a reminder of how much I love them . . . how proud I am of them and that even though I am on countdown I will miss them both tremendously. My house might be cleaner and tidier but for a couple of months it will stop being a 'home' filled with them. Will they still wrestle each other in my sitting room when they come 'home'?! 

You're not going crazy. . .

I have previously put this picture in a blog post and I have decided that I am going to discuss all forty symptoms, at some point!

I had initially thought that I would just blog about the ones that I get, at least eighteen of them, but having spoken with a friend and what she thought I was going to blog about my perimenopause symptoms I have decided that I would blog about each one. I will number them, as per this picture, and maybe create some discussion. 

The ones that I get will obviously be more detailed than those that I don't!

I have seen some different posts on Facebook recently comparing perimenopause to puberty and having thought about this I can indeed say that there are some similarities to both! I was someone who regularly felt faint and dizzy and have an embarrassing story that relates to my mum dropping a friend and myself off at a supermarket asking us to pick up a couple of things for her whilst she did another job. When she arrived back to collect us she found me sat on the floor with my head between my knees having come over all faint and dizzy in the fruit and veg aisle! I am sure that if I try and think back, to over thirty years ago, then I can find some things that are repeating themselves now I am older!

I also wonder if there is anything that can be done to help relieve these symptoms, apart from HRT (Hormone Replacement Therapy), and I will blog about some of the thoughts that I have and some of the things that I have already tried!

Trust me!

I have never been someone who shy's away from talking about all sorts of things and have often surprised people about what I do talk about!!

As I have mentioned in my introduction I am going to blog about my life; some of you may have assumed that this was just going to be about healthy eating (notice the loss of the word 'diet') and activity/fitness, but rest assured that this is not the case!

Those men who are following my blog may not want to read the blogs that relate to this but I actually think that if you know a woman who is a 'certain' age or will some day be that 'certain' age then you should indeed read what I blog! All of you have had a mother!!

As the caption reads only 13% of women talk to their close friends and family about the 'menopause'. I, indeed, did not find out until this time last year when my own mother went through the menopause. Those that I work with are well aware of all the things that I have gone through and are still going through; so I am now opening this up to others to gain some insight, maybe say 'I know that', be prepared for what it to come or even laugh along because, actually, that is exactly what I have to do.

I have mentioned previously that I am someone who likes structure and order. I have been using an app, WomanLog, for probably about 4 years. I log everything on this app related to my cycle and I would highly recommend it. Due to this I am aware of all sorts of changes that have been happening to me over the last 24 to 36 months. 

One of the first things that I want to educate everyone about is about perimenopause and menopause. The definitions of both are well explained in the picture below:

I found that when I discussed this at work several women did not even know what perimenopause was; notice that a woman can be in this period of her life for up to 10 years! I am so glad that the only men that I currently live with are my two sons, and this won't be for much longer! Here's where I say please be understanding of the woman in front of you. She is probably going through a whole load of changes/symptoms that she doesn't even understand herself!

You're not going crazy . . . it's menopause

This in an introduction to my 'life changes' and I am not going to talk about everything now but let me just tell you of the 40 symptoms that are listed in this picture how many I have . . . 18! Seriously . . . and having gone though the list there are some, for me, not even listed on there!

I have two major ones which affect my life and I will, briefly (yeh, right!), discuss them and the impact that they have/have had on my life.

For the best part of two years approximately 5/6 days before my period starts I get a lump in my left armpit; it can at times be quite painful. Now, I would not suggest that anyone does what I did and I promise that I have learnt my lesson! I 'ignored' this for about 18 months; I did occasionally discuss it with the 'girls' at work and several had a feel! I would tell myself that I was too busy to go to the doctors (I seriously was!) and that it was 'just' hormone related. I also knew that there was no point in going to the doctors until the lump was actually there so that they had something to feel.

This year, the Easter holidays arrived and I woke up the morning before my 46th birthday and the lump was there. I called and got myself an appointment for later that morning. For those that don't know me I'm a matter of fact kind of girl. I went in with a long list of 'things' that I wanted to talk to the doctor about, all perimenopause related. After I'd reeled off the list he asked to feel my lump; he then said that he was going to get a nurse and asked me to strip off to my waist! I was still thinking, 'yeh, whatever'. 

The next bit had me in a tail-spin for a couple of weeks; he also found a lump in my breast. . . now I know that many of you reading will either have had some experience of this yourself, or know someone who has and maybe we all say the same thing. It hit me like a bullet. I came out of the doctors knowing that by the next day I would have an appointment at the breast clinic within 2 weeks. I text my best friend; I couldn't 'talk' to her as I knew that if I did all I would do would be to cry. She tried to call me several times but fortunately for both of us neither of us had very good signal where we were!

I went out with friends on my birthday and shared my 'news' with them and joked, as I would (!) . . . I was told I was inappropriate by my best friend on numerous occasions!! The Easter holidays were long and my appointment was for a day when I was back at work. I like to think that I have a very open and honest relationship with my sons and it was very difficult not to tell them; although I very nearly told the eldest. I decided that until there was something to worry about what was the point in worrying them.

I went to the breast clinic on my own . . . my decision . . . stubborn, independence at it's finest. I bumped into one of my WeightWatcher's members who was there supporting a friend and that was great. An hour later, after a mammogram and a scan I was told that there was nothing to worry about. I didn't even have cysts. As you can imagine the relief was immense. The suggestion from the doctors is that the lump in both my armpit and breast (now I know where it is I can feel it) are obviously hormone related as I'd thought.

I know that others have not been so fortunate when visiting the breast clinic and the lesson learned is that YOUR life is important and as a mother, possibly wife, etc you need to make sure that you are healthy. Stop putting yourself at the bottom of the 'to do list' and make yourself a priority.

I still get both lumps at exactly the same time in my cycle but I will deal with any changes in my body in a very different way in the future . . . 

The second symptom that I have is headaches. Infact, I also get migraines. As I said that this was going to be brief I will blog about those at another time!!

Recipes

As I am using the My Fitness Pal app I thought that I had better update the recipes to show the calories! 

I have now done that!

Routines. . .

I am someone who thrives on routine. . . some might say that it I am a control freak, others that I need discipline. The truth is that I do need discipline and in several areas of my life I like and have to have control!

The job that I do means that I have the fortune to be entitled to 13 weeks holiday a year. My working hours changed in April 2015 so the reality of that is not actually true but during the school holidays when I work is very much up to me.

School was out for summer on Friday 17 July this year . . . oh yes! As anyone who works in a school will tell you the day that the academic year ends brings with it jubilation! Some members of staff go away straight away!

I didn't start my break on that day but knew that when I went in on the Monday and Tuesday of the following week that the pressure would be different and that I could work to my own timetable.

I afforded myself the rest of that week off and did a huge amount of walking; I managed to do over 40,000 steps in one day! I also didn't worry about what I was eating as I knew that just my walking would be sufficient. I walked a total of 118,117 steps or 51.34 miles that week! (My steps are recorded on a Fitbit One, which I love).

So that's week one of the summer holidays done!

Now week two was a bit different! I had my house to myself for 3 days; this is significant and I may blog about this in future.

Let me just say that in contrast I walked 27,168 steps or 11.76 miles . . . there were a couple of days when I didn't really move off the sofa, two days I didn't even put my Fitbit on, but I was on holiday and everybody's holiday is different! 

I have told this story to a couple of work friends who 'high-fived' me. Probably the biggest issue that I have ever had in losing or even gaining weight is my love of bread, particularly fresh bread. I can't have it in my house and when I buy a sliced loaf it goes straight into the freezer. On my first sofa day I ended up having to got to the local Tesco's to buy an ink cartridge for my printer as my son and his girlfriend needed to print off their holiday tickets. Mistake one . . . I didn't JUST go and buy the cartridge; the fresh bread drew me to it and I ended up buying a fresh tiger loaf! I did manage to control myself and only bought the small one not the family size one! So . . . what goes well with fresh bread? Cheese of course. Can you imagine I spent the whole day getting up and down from the sofa to eat my way through the loaf of bread and cheese! (I did 1209 steps this day!) Having got the taste for this I repeated the trip to Tesco's two days later but without buying the ink cartridge! Another day on the sofa beckoned . . . 

Week three I managed to take back some control and did some decorating but my eating was still not great. Week four looked promising as I had a First Aid refresher course to attend on the Monday and Tuesday; the rest of the week didn't go very well!

I stood on my scales on Saturday morning and I'd put on 6.5 lbs over the four weeks; not bad considering that I had a 'have what you really want' curry on Thursday night and had a sweetie binge on Friday night!

So here we are in week five! I know that I need structure and order and part of that for me is the routine of going to work . . . is that the same for you? I also know that for me that is about getting organized and planning. I have always been an advocate of planning and also tracking everything that you eat. Guess what I didn't do weeks one to four of the summer holidays?! I always plan my evening meals; it is something that I have done for so long I can't remember when I started but I did not track what I had eaten.

Week five is different in so many ways. I am in work every day this week and I am planning what I am eating the evening before. Since re-joining WeightWatchers in July 2011 I near enough know exactly what I am doing BUT I know that if I don't track then I get complacent or those 'naughty' things creep in . . . and if I don't take control then I would put weight back on . . . and very easily!

I spoke to someone on Saturday who has lost over 8 stone following the WeightWatchers plan, around five years ago, and they confirmed that they still track EVERY day. It's not hard but actually when you do it it becomes part of your routine . . . interestingly I have always been led to believe that for a habit to become a routine you should do it 21 times or for 21 days; the link takes you to a blog that suggests otherwise:

https://blogs.ucl.ac.uk/hbrc/2012/06/29/busting-the-21-days-habit-formation-myth/

What I have always maintained is that when starting something you need to commit to it for six to eight weeks to know whether it is working or not; this blog seems to suggest that this is indeed true!

Although I have still got my WeightWatchers app and my journal, I have decided to give MyFitnessPal a test drive . . . I have increased my daily calories up and I'll let you know how it all goes . . .

Life lessons

I have taken quite a long time to think about what I was going to write as my 'first' moment and if you are reading this I want you to take time to look at the words in the picture and think about them; hopefully in relation to yourself and possibly in relation to me!

As this is the worldwide web I am not going to splash my personal life over it. . . completely!

As I have said I am a 46 year old woman; I am not who I was at 36, or 26 or even 16. I am most definitely older and I have learnt some valuable lessons along the way.

The whole idea for this post is to say that just because you knew me 10 years ago, some of you did (!), do not assume that I am still that person now. Those of you who have known me continually for the last 10 years can attest to that and probably the main reason is that the person that you first met is not the person that you have actually come to know. . .

I am not saying that I have got everything right but I am a person who self-reflects and if I have done something wrong then I will do my best to make it right; that is if I know that I have done it!

We all face challenges in our lives; I have been through some 'things'. We all experience different things in life and my 'things' may not be your 'things' but how we use them makes us who we are. We can learn from life's experiences, take them on board and grow or we can stay where we are living in the past and let this continue to affect our lives. 

I have recently posted on Facebook about being careful about judging situations that you see because unless you KNOW the people involved then you don't really have any idea what is going on in their lives. I would say the same about this and indeed this is about me. . . get to know the person in front of you and what makes them who they are before you make a decision about them. Once you have knowledge of who they are you can then decide whether you like them or not! 

I have come to an understanding that I really like who I am but I am also aware that I am not everyone's 'cup of tea'. That is fine. . . as a 16 year old I think that I worried about what people thought of me and wanted people to like me. Over the years I have probably continued to worry about this in one shape or form. I know that at times this has impacted on my weight, either gaining or losing weight. 

Now, I no longer worry about what people think of me! Don't let a first impression, or something that you know from someone else, impact on getting to know someone. . . THIS GOES FOR EVERYONE YOU MEET! I have had numerous people over the last couple of months say 'you're not the person that I thought you were' or 'I can't believe that you are the same person'; those people have seen me in different situations and seen another 'side' of me.

I make no apologies for who I am. . . 

So. . . with that here endeth my first moment!

Ratatouille Gratin

I have been using this recipe for over 20 years and when I haven't had it for a while I always wonder why not! This recipe can also be used by VEGETARIANS too.

This is enough to have as a meal on it's own but if you want to 'bulk' it out then have a salad on the side.


Ratatouille Gratin  (Serves 2)  WeightWatchers: F & H (4pp per portion)    ProPoints: 10 pp per portion    Calories: 248 cals

• courgette, sliced
• aubergine, cubed
• 1 tbsp olive oil
• 1 medium onion, sliced
• 1 clove garlic, crushed (optional)
• 1 green pepper, de-seeded and sliced
• 1 tin chopped tomatoes
• mixed herbs, to taste
• little salt and pepper
• 1 egg, medium
• 140 ml/1/4 pint skimmed milk
• 75g/3oz edam cheese (or reduced-fat Cheddar style cheese)
• 4 tbsps fresh breadcrumbs (I use Warbarton's Brown Thins)

Method

Aubergines can be quite bitter, so I cut this into cubes and then place the cubes in a colander and sprinkle liberally with salt and leave for approx. half an hour. This allows some of the bitterness to drain out; I then wash the aubergine in cold water and pat dry.

Heat the oil in a non-stick pan and stir-fry the onion until transparent and just turning golden. Add garlic, if used, aubergine, courgette and green pepper and stir-fry for a further few minutes.

Add tomatoes and seasoning and simmer, covered, for approx. 30 minutes. I then transfer this to a gratin dish but I used to make this as a meal for my kids when they were toddlers and would make individual ramekin dishes for them.

Mix the egg, milk and half the cheese together and pour over the ratatouille. Mix the breadcrumbs and the rest of the cheese together and spread over the top. Bake for 25/30 minutes at 180 C or until lightly browned and set.

Paprika Pork

I have posted this before on Facebook but wanted it to be the first recipe on here!

Paprika Pork   WeightWatchers: F & H (including brown rice)   ProPoints: 7pp (not including the rice) Calories: 331 cals

·        1 tbsp olive oil

·        Tenderloin pork fillet (I buy the smallest one they do), cubed

·        1 large onion, finely chopped

·        1 garlic clove, crushed

·        Packet button mushrooms, halved (if large then quarter)

·        1 tbsp paprika

·        Pinch of cumin

·        1 large tin chopped tomatoes

·        140ml/¼ pint of chicken stock (made from a stock cube)

·        Pepper and salt to taste

·        1 tsp sugar

Method

Heat the oil in a frying pan and brown the pork in it a little at a time; remove from the pan.

Add onion and stir fry over a medium heat until soft, adding garlic towards the end. Add mushrooms and stir for approx. 2 minutes. Add paprika and cumin and stir well; add tomatoes, stock, seasoning, sugar (1pp in recipe, may want to add this if being really honest if following F & H) and the pork.

Cover and simmer for at least 30 minutes or until everything is tender and you have a rich sauce.

*Note: I have sometimes needed to add a teaspoon on cornflour to thicken the mixture if I have not simmered it for long enough. I would tend to leave the lid off to allow some of the liquid to evaporate.

I would serve this with brown rice; it could be served with a salad as well

Introduction

The Christmas before my 19^th birthday I had a severe case of salmonella poisoning; I had as a teenager always been a fairly healthy, average weight. In two weeks I lost over a stone in weight (over 14 pounds); I believe that this had an effect on my metabolic rate and by my birthday the following year, about 3 months later, I had gained the stone back plus another stone on top of that. I was still within a healthy range, living at home and having my meals cooked by my mum but this was the start of my weight problems.

At several points in the following 20 + years I tried to lose weight on my own plus joining slimming classes. I joined WeightWatcher’s meetings 3 times and on 3 July 2011 I re-joined WeightWatcher’s for the 4^th time. I lost a total of 30 pounds to reach my goal weight!  The first time that I ever seen the programme through to the end! Once I got there I realised that I wanted to share my passion with others and encourage them to lose weight in a healthy, sustainable way; I trained to be a WeightWatcher’s leader in September 2012 and started taking my own meetings in October 2012.

At the peak I was taking 4 meetings a week plus having a full-time job working in a Secondary school. This took its toll and I realised that I had no work-life balance. I LOVED being a WeightWatcher’s leader and I have met some fantastic people along the way but in May 2015 I made the decision that I needed to stop running meetings. . . to do something for me . . . for a change!

I took my last meeting on Saturday 4 July 2015; 4 years after re-joining as a member.

I know that I need to be accountable to someone other than myself and the idea for the blog came about to try and keep me on track with my weight loss and to continue to try and motivate others.

The name ‘Tessa’s Moments’ came about through a discussion about whether a blog was a good idea on Facebook. Hopefully, through the blog those of you who follow and do not yet know me will get to understand that I have ‘moments’!! Those of you that do know me already know that I have ‘moments’!

My intention is to blog about ‘me’; and maybe raise comments/discussions about things that happen in my own life that maybe you are experiencing or can relate to. I am a real person who will openly admit that I make mistakes but I am someone who will always look back at a situation and try and see where I might have gone wrong, then try and learn and maybe get it right the next time. . .