What will 2016 bring for you?

Today is the last day of 2015; what will 2016 bring for you? 









I have seen a couple of things on the Internet that I am going to try and keep going for 2016. The first one is to start January with an empty jar and fill it with notes of good things that have happened. This doesn't need to be done every day but imagine if you did what emptying it at the end of the year would bring. Great memories to be looked back on.





The second is a 52 week money challenge. The calculator is in dollars but would work well with any currency; the principle is the same. Saving money. Start week 1 with £1 or $1 or €1, week 2 add £2, $2 or €2 and keep going throughout the year. Yes, weeks 40 onwards are going to be tough but if you did it you would have £1378, $1378 or €1378 at the end of the year! Bonus!

So if you did both of these things this year what a joy to get to 31 December 2016. You'd have saved for a year and have some amazing memories to look back on; you may have written a good book by the end of it.

Was it a 'smart' idea?!

Was it a 'smart' idea to rejoin weightwatchers during the last two weeks of term? Those that don't work in a school may wonder why that's even a question. Those that do, know me or even work with me will know exactly what I mean!

My busiest times of year are the end of the academic year and the end of the Autumn term. I won't even go into why but let's just say that the planning and preparation that goes into an end of term assembly are no mean feat. Queue a Monday morning when you are stretched,  it's the hour before lunch and you have to deal with MANY stroppy teenagers. . . and that is putting it mildly. 

One colleague told another that based on how that hour had gone the person that she knew me to be would most likely have ended up in Burger King having a bacon double cheeseburger, fries and a portion of onion rings! Take the fact that it was also the last week of term, our office and the main office were full of snacks, biscuits and chocolates. Everyone was gearing themselves up for the Christmas holidays; they all decided to have pizza for lunch on Thursday. . . I will say again. . . was it a 'smart' idea to rejoin weightwatchers during the last two weeks of term?

The answer to that is most definitely YES! I have lost 2 lbs this week; exactly what I would have hoped for.

I am loving weightwatchers new system; SmartPoints. I have really had to think smartly about what I am eating. Just as an example, the pizza that I have eaten nearly every Saturday night for the last four years has gone from being an acceptable Saturday night treat at 15 ProPoints to a whopping 36 SmartPoints! I won't be having that anymore then! If you have a sweet tooth, a lovely Crunchie was 5 ProPoints but is now 10 SmartPoints! When you are only allowed 30 SmartPoints a day and 35 a week you really do have to think smartly!

I have managed to get through the last ten days, I have not cheated or veered off plan. I have probably not eaten enough but my brain is now switched back into gear. I have two weeks off work to reevaluate what I am going to eat and drink!

I follow O, The Oprah Magazine on Facebook and on Wednesday they posted a link to an article by Oprah. Some of you may know that she has become an ambassador for weightwatchers in the summer. You can read the article through the link below; it's a good read! Oprah has lost 26 lbs since August. Well done Oprah!

http://www.oprah.com/inspiration/What-Oprah-Knows-For-Sure-January-2016?FB=fb_omag_oprah_committing_to_goals

The Christmas holidays are here. Time for rest and relaxation! That will not happen until Wednesday but then it will for sure.

New weightwatchers tools; that means a new journal for those in the know! Planning now top of the list, not bottom. No meeting for 3 weeks due to Christmas and New Year but I'm hoping to get to another sometime in the middle to keep me on track as I got lots of chocolatey things from everyone at work for Christmas!

Remember I'm very good at week 1; I've been doing week 1's repeatedly for the last 3 months! Keep going #tessasmoments

I've done it

I've done it! Taken the bull by the horns and re-joined a weightwatchers meeting.

There is new branding, new smart points and a whole load more.

Weightwatchers have always said that they work with the current science on weight loss and that hasn't changed with this 'new look' plan!

Exciting and daunting times for any of you who 'know' weightwatchers but this is exactly where I was four and a half years ago. Re-joining a meeting, thinking you know everything, and it all changing!

I will openly admit that I don't like change. I like structure, order and ROUTINE. So this could be a little scary!

What I do like, though, is that if you've got complacent (like me) you are going to have to work out the smart points of everything that you eat. Some things won't have changed but quite a few things will have. This new plan appears to be combining all the things we know and making it even better. Well, let's hope that is the case.

So, fully armed I start a new week, tracking everything on my new paper tracker and on the app. Some of the issues I used to have with it seemed to have disappeared. I can get rid of the MyFitnessPal app, of which I felt such a fraud using. In so many ways I am back in my comfort zone but just slightly displaced!

Lost Mojo?

Lost mojo? Where do you find it? That is an age old question and probably there is no definitive answer!

The Urban dictionary says the following;

mojo

N.

1. Self-confidence, Self-assuredness. As in basis for belief in ones self in a situation. Esp. I context of contest or display of skill such as sexual advances or going into battle.

2. Good luck fetish / charm to bolster confidence.

3. ability to bounce back from a debilitating trauma and negative attitude.

In this context I'm thinking that mojo, for me, means the ability to bounce back from a negative attitude.

So what do you need to do to get your mojo back?  I need motivation. But what is  motivation? It comes in different shapes and sizes for everyone. How about getting some reward from what you are doing? Some would say that the reward you get is losing weight, feeling healthier. That is true but sometimes we need more to motivate us.

I work in a school and I recently heard, on a training course, that you should ask kids what rewards they should get for accomplishments made. We are still like this as adults, aren't we?

I have recently changed my life insurance and critical illness policy. Being an ex WeightWatchers leader I was aware of Vitality but not the full extent of what it offered. Now, I'm not suggesting that you go out and change your life insurance policies but having done some research this plan offers so much to me! It's got little motivators to help me get my mojo back. Rewards for doing things that I should be doing anyway!

I have synced my Fitbit to my Vitality account. If I walk 7,000 steps a day I get 3 Vitality points, 10,000 steps give me 5 and over 12,000 steps 10. The most I can earn in a week from activity is 40 Vitality points. I can join WeightWatchers for a reduced fee. I have to go to a minimum of two meetings a month but everytime I do I get 15 Vitality points. Achieving 5%, 10% and Gold status also give me points. 

So what do points make? Prizes! The ultimate goal is to reduce your premium each year. There are four different levels; Bronze, Silver, Gold and Platinum. But the beauty for me and helping with my lost mojo is that if I earn 9 activity points a week then I get to go to a Cineworld or Vue cinema for FREE! So I just have to walk 7,000 steps three times in a week and I could go to the cinema at the weekend! A cinema ticket these days is nearly £10. Amazing! Just from doing a bit of exercise. Can't be bad, eh? My day in London last week earned me 10 activity points on it's own; I went to see Spectre on Sunday as my reward! 

Part of the WeightWatchers programme is to encourage you to move more than you did before. This is a double wammy; not only does my Fitbit earn me activity points to go to the cinema for free BUT it also earns me WeightWatchers points which I can also use if I need them if I've overindulged, or for those extra treats. It could also mean that at the cinema I could treat myself to some popcorn!!

So, it's back to a WeightWatchers meeting this week. I've seen and heard that there are some changes but they look exciting! What it does mean is I can get myself a new planner!! 

I'll let you know how it goes . . . I used to say that when I joined WeightWatchers in July 2011, for the fourth time, that it was the last. I would only be ever going as a Gold member. But here I am re-joining for the FIFTH time! I am slightly daunted by re-joining just based on the fact that I have been a leader and now know what it has felt like for returning leaders when they have joined my meetings. 

As I have said we all make mistakes, get complacent or even believe we can't do it. But we learn from our mistakes; life, I believe, is all about learning. Everyone can achieve what they want. Some of us learn the hard way, take knock backs but it's about getting up and doing. Getting on the platform, getting back on the train and remembering that life is a journey not a destination.

Seriously . . . what went wrong!?

I wrote a post on 24 October and I thought that I'd got it figured out! I was determined and I had my sights clearly set on where I wanted to be.  

Seriously . . . what went wrong!?

Have you ever found yourself in this position? I bet many have and what do we do about it . . . give up, start again, any number of things? Is there a key? I'm not sure I truly know the answer to this but I do believe that there is generally something underlying that stops you achieving your weight goals. We use excuses and I know that this is probably a 'woman' thing or maybe just a 'me' thing but I do know that my head has to be in the game and if it isn't then really there is no point!

Today, Saturday 5 December, is the day I got to my goal weight with WeightWatchers four years ago. I have always been at my goal weight, or within five pounds of it, by this date. Not today and I'm actually quite sad about that. I'm not even close! I have been fairly in control for most of that four years. I have said before that 2015 has been a difficult year. The realization that I would, from September, be on my own at home? Being too busy to take care of me? Worrying about things and not acknowledging what they were? Life?

So. . . what did go wrong?? 

I've rewritten the answer to that question a couple of times and actually they are all excuses. My going wrong may not be the same as your going wrong but actually what needs to be focused on is 'what can I do to make it right?' Again, the answer to that may not be the same for you and me. I can only say what I know to be true and maybe that will help you come to what is the correct solution for you.

So . . . what does that mean for me??

It means going back to WeightWatchers . . . again! Tail between my legs! It's different this time as I will be filling the form in as a returning Gold member . . . laugh out loud! I HAVE TO GO TO MEETINGS. . . for me it is not just about the support, it's about being accountable to someone other than myself. Standing on someone else's scales.

As a WeightWatchers leader, I was able to stay in control of my weight because I was accountable to the members (and friends I made) in the meeting. On my own I'm accountable to no one other than me; I don't even have my sons at home to question if I'm 'allowed' to eat what I'm eating. I don't need to be a secret eater; I can do that in the comfort of my own home all by myself!!!

When I returned to WeightWatchers four and a half years ago I only ever wanted to be a UK size 12. I am that now, the problem is my wardrobe is full of size 10s and size 8s! I am also, today, ten pounds over my healthy BMI range; I am still classed as a 'normal' weight but I am anything but normal! I'm not happy with how I look naked, although there have been some gains that some might be very jealous of?! They know who they are and what it is they are jealous of!!! (I haven't yet worked out how to do a wink or a smiley face emoji on the blog!!) I have also acknowledged that 'maybe' I was too thin. A friend told me last week that when she has started working with me that I was too thin. I knew that, at my lightest weight, I was too thin but no one ever told me that. . . well, I don't think they did! Hearing that confirmed something that I already knew and I won't make the same mistake this time . . . maybe!!

I will be joining a meeting, before Christmas, I can't wait until after. 

I am over the 'hump' of my SAD and we are only two weeks away from the shortest day and it will therefore start to get lighter. It is also only two weeks until I break up for Christmas and both my boys will be returning home for the Christmas break over the next two weeks.

I have, for a long time, known what to do and how to do it. I just have to now put it into practice. That is easier said that done!

The very first thing that I have to do is decide which meeting to attend; do I go to one of those that I was the leader at or do I go to another. I thought that I had decided that but I keep changing my mind!

The big smoke

I went to London for a course on Wednesday and had a great day. For my friends on Facebook I did say that when I had time that I would blog about my day.

The course was held in the Thistle Hotel near Euston station; I caught a train from Peterborough at 7.32 am. I had thought that the ticket that work had purchased for me enabled me to catch any train that I wanted but I had a sneaky suspicion that this was not the case and it turned out to have restrictions! Fortunately I got to the station early and was able to catch this train. It got into Kings Cross at 8.57 am. The course was due to start at 9.30 am. Whenever I have been to London in the past I have always caught the underground everywhere. I was taken to London at Easter and experienced a very different London not using the Tube at all. It was fantastic and I had already decided that instead of going the one stop on the tube I was going to walk to the venue. 

I love walking; I can't say that I have always thought this but as I have gotten older I appreciate that you see and experience things that you may not if you use a car, taxi or public transport. 

I passed the Renaissance Hotel and British Library; what beautiful buildings and who knew that the British Library was so close to Kings Cross!? On my visit to London at Easter I also realised that I love and appreciate architecture.

It was a lovely, brisk walk on a pleasant winter morning; it took me just over ten minutes to walk there. The course was great. I have been doing my current job in one form or another for about nine years. I learn every day and have said before that I reflect on almost everything that I do whether that be in my job or my life. I want to be better and do better; but I did think that I knew most things about what the course was on and would just have some things confirmed to me. How wrong! I came away inspired and what I have learnt will be good for figures!!!

So. . . the course ended at about 3.15 pm. I knew that it was supposed to finish about this time and that may have been one of the reasons that I chose to attend the course in London at this time of year?! What to do?? Come home  . . . of course not, let's go shopping!

Google maps opened and Selfridges on Oxford Street typed in, it said that it was just under 2 miles and would take me about 40 minutes to walk. So off I headed with my eyes wide open. 

I'm not sure if it is just me but the men in London seem to be far more attractive than those in Peterborough! Oh . . . I obviously wasn't just looking at the men!!

Oxford Street at the beginning of December, or any time of year, may not be everyone's idea of fun but it was great. I wanted one particular shop and ended up walking the wrong way down Oxford Street and having to walk the length of it twice! Great for my Fitbit steps; by the time I got home at 10.30 pm I had done 18,168 steps, about 8.25 miles!

I made my way back to Kings Cross just after 8 pm; I did take the Tube at this time of night. Whilst on the train, in the morning, I received a message from a friend saying, 'enjoy and be safe'. This is not about to turn into a political commentary just my own thoughts. I have never been someone who really thinks about my own personal safety; I have done some things in the past two years that some would consider to be down right dangerous but some things just never cross my mind. The Paris bombings happened about four weeks ago and many people may have changed their plans if going to a big city or organised event. The day I was in London, Wednesday, was the day that the Commons was debating and voting on whether we should bomb ISIS targets in Syria. Again, I am not going to pass any comment on this but just to say that when I got to Kings Cross and was waiting for my train home I saw something that I don't ever think that I have seen and that was an armed police officer with a machine gun strapped across his chest, holding it ready in this hands to defend me. It made me feel reassured and not frightened.

I cannot remember the last time that I was at Kings Cross station but it has changed so much since I was last there. The civil engineering and combination of new architecture with the old Victorian building is stunning. I think that I may take a trip back at the start of the Christmas break just to have a wander; look at a map beforehand and just explore a bit more.  I have had my eyes opened, a little bit more, to our capital and think it is awesome!

Time for reflection

Yesterday I did one of those things on Facebook that you will all have seen and possibly done; what does your name mean in Japanese? I am not sure how it does it but so many times when you do these kinds of things they come out very close to who you are! Mine said the following;
'You are an incredibly generous person and always find a way to get on well with other people. You also can't help but feel responsible for those around you and try to help them out whenever you can. You handle setbacks well because you know that it's only by learning from your mistakes that you grow as a person.'

I am hoping that those of you who have never met me have realised that whilst reading this blog that I am always honest; those of you that have met and spent time with me will know that is what I am - honest. My reason for starting the blog was to try and help at least one person with something that I write and I know from comments that at least one person has been encouraged to do something that they might have ignored had they not read what I'd written plus also to make sure that I was 'walking the walk'!

I have thought about this post for some time and I was going to do two separate posts to discuss a couple of topics but I realised that they actually intertwined so I'm just going to do one post! 

This year has been an interesting one. I won't say difficult as I know that for some of you reading this your struggles this year have been huge; much more than anything that I have been through.

This time last year I weighed 10 pound less than I currently do and at my lowest weight, approximately 5 weeks later, 15 pounds less than I currently do. This may not seem a lot to some of you but for me I can really tell it in my clothes! So I have struggled with my weight all year; I am not the heaviest that I have been but I do need to take control. I know why I have struggled and I hope that someone might take some positive from the comments that I am about to make. When I started on my last serious weight loss journey, just over 4 year ago, I had a destination to go to; a friend's wedding. It was my goal and I was much more successful than even I thought that I could be. The problem that I have had since is that I have had no 'real' goal, apart from maintaining my weight. 

Last year I went on holiday with my best friend, Hannah, so I suppose that was a goal; I needed to still look good in my bikini! Since then, apart from being within 5 pounds of my goal weight at the beginning of December (my WeightWatchers goal anniversary), I really haven't had that one thing to aim towards. . . that is until now!

Around this time 11 years ago I was participating in the Cycle the Nile challenge; something that still makes me really proud to have completed. At some point on that trip my room mate, Anne, and I bought belly dancing outfits and 'talked' about trying to do the Moonwalk the following year. It never materialised but, a couple of months ago, I had a 'Tessa Moment' with regards to doing the Moonwalk. On Tuesday this week entries opened for the Moonwalk 2016'; at 9am I was straight on it signing up! The theme is carnival. I have already got some fantastic ideas to decorate my bra! For those of you that do not know the premise of the Moonwalk, it is a marathon distance, 26.2 miles, power walk. The mission of the charity is to 'raise money, raise awareness, get fit and have fun!' Walk the Walk came into being 15 years ago when 13 women power walked the New York City marathon in their bras to raise money and awareness for breast cancer. To date the charity has raised in excess of £79 million for vital breast cancer causes. 

The Moonwalk covers so many bases for me! Since I acknowledged the lump that I had in my armpit and faced my fears I have wanted to do something whilst I am fit and healthy to raise money for breast cancer causes. I enjoy walking; if my mother reads this she will have one of those laugh out loud moments as she probably never thought that she would hear me saying that! Plus there will be added benefits for me . . . I will be forced to take control and will need to train for the event. 
                                  
I also have plans for an outfit!! I did a bit of Google searching for carnival outfits and found this! Wouldn't it be great to customise my bra and wear some shorts that look a bit like this?! I'm also thinking a head-dress as well!?! Three friends have also signed up and I have created a group name of Tessa's Moments, of course!

To pull this outfit off I need to be fit. . . my stomach will never look like that but I can try!! 

So with this in mind I have had to reassess what I am doing. I posted a couple of weeks ago that I had started Insanity. I have to admit to failing miserably!! I did not get passed week 1; I just could not start week 2. The thought of it filled me with dread! I need to do exercise, obviously I have been walking to and from work most days and a couple of longer walks at weekends but I have to do something else. . . and something, more importantly, that I enjoy. I've said that I own several exercise DVD's and even which one I love the most; really I should have read what I was writing!!! I have always said that exercise should be enjoyed. . . so with that I got my Kettleworx (kettlebell) DVD's out. I love it; 20/25 minutes of exercise 3 times a week. Totally manageable! I have also been using my rebounder if I haven't done my 12000 steps a day then I get on my rebounder and do them. It's another great form of exercise.

So what's the goal? Initially, it's to lose 7 pounds in the next 6 weeks (Christmas party!); if it's more great but as I always say I'm setting a realistic target. I need to post each week about how I'm doing! I need to use this as my confessional or meeting or whatever you want to describe it as!

Moonwalk 2016 here we come . . . fitter, healthier, smaller and raising money for good causes plus doing it with great friends and maybe meeting some new ones along the way. . . 

So I'm trying to learn from mistakes that I have made this year and encouraging anyone else out there reading this that if it's gone 'a bit wrong' then start again. Are you back where you started and are feeling despondent? Don't . . . try and learn from your mistakes and start again. . . take one day at a time and congratulate yourself when you get successfully through that day. That's what I'm doing!!! I've managed 8 days in a row! Wow!! 

I'm SAD

I have always thought that I didn't like the autumn and winter months and that if you were to ask me what my favourite season was then I would definitely say spring. 

This is still true but whilst out on my walk yesterday I realised that I don't dislike them at all; the beautiful colours of autumn are something to behold. I love snow and hope that the forecast for this winter comes true; I can't wait for those possible snow days when school can't open and we are deep in it!

These are the pictures I took yesterday morning and there is a theme; the sun is shining! What I realised is that what I don't like about the autumn and winter months are two things; it can be dark and dreary. When the sun is shining it's fine!

I first became aware that I had Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) about eight years ago; I may have had it before that but this is when I really acknowledged that I had a problem. I haven't been to the doctor as I know that there is little that they can do and if you have read any of my previous blogs you will also know that I am not someone who likes to take pills to relieve my issues. I'm not saying that is wrong; it's just not for me.

So how did I know that I had a problem? The easiest way to say it is that I crashed, both physically and mentally. I had three days off work; a Wednesday, Thursday and Friday. I can pinpoint the date almost exactly; the Thursday was the last Thursday in November. My parents live in Scotland. My mum was so worried about me that she made up some excuse to come and visit and to check on my well-being. Over the last seven years I have crashed at exactly the same time; I don't always have time off work as I am able to manage my symptoms. The only year that I didn't have any major symptoms was four years ago when I was going to the gym three times a week; natural endorphin's created through exercise! It wasn't until Christmas that year that I realised that I had gotten through this period with few symptoms.

I am aware that there was a catalyst the first time that I crashed and although I have been able to manage my emotions much better over the last seven years there is still a burden that is there. How often are things tied up with memories; good and bad?!

Knowing when I will be at my weakest emotionally and physically can be a good thing. What I have tried to do is have something 'good' to look forward to. The people who I have worked with for a number of years, and have seen me go through this every year, can see the downward spiral. Although they don't say anything they are always there to support me. My best friend has also been great. As I blogged over the weekend; friends are a must in life and will truly help and support when we need it!

If you don't know anything about SAD here are some symptoms;

• Feelings of sadness and despair
• Irritability
• Crying spells
• Poor sleep
• Tiredness and fatigue
• Body aches
• Trouble concentrating
• Lack of motivation
• Loss of sex drive
• Overeating and associated weight gain

As I read these I did have a chuckle to myself as so many of them are perimenopausal symptoms!!

The mornings are noticeably darker than they were at the beginning of September and what has happened at night?! The clocks change in under two weeks; okay that's an hour extra in bed to start with but very quickly it will be still dark when I leave for work AND dark when I get home.

I know that I need daylight and hope that my walk to work will at least give me some. I need to make a point of going for a walk during my lunch break to get as much exposure to light as I can. 

By mid December, even though that is the shortest day I am starting to feel better but then after the shortest day the days start getting longer again and by the end of January there is a significant difference in the amount of daylight there is!

Treatment for SAD;

• Bright light therapy - my dad bought me a light box a couple of years ago, an eBay purchase! I've never taken it out of the box! Maybe this is the year I should?!
• Temporary or permanent relocation to sunnier climes - that's not going to happen yet but maybe I ought to contemplate a move to Florida when I'm older?!
• Psychotherapy and counselling - isn't this what friends are for?! Well they are cheaper!
• Vitamin D supplements - never tried this and as I'm going to start taking my magnesium tablets again maybe I should just add these to the list; I'll rattle soon!

I may be joking but I can say that the cloud that has started to come over me isn't really a joking matter; I do know that there is light at the end of the tunnel!!

Symptom 8 - Trouble sleeping

This picture could not be more true! The clock appears to be on 2 am ish and I have lost count of the amount of times that I have seen that time!

Trouble sleeping, for me as a perimenopause woman, comes in many varieties from not being able to get to sleep when you are absolutely shattered to falling asleep quite happily but then waking up anytime after midnight and clock watching for maybe hours or being in a vicious cycle of waking, falling asleep then waking again and falling asleep. I don't remember my sleep pattern being disturbed as much during pregnancy or even with having small children waking in the night because they'd lost their dummy out of the cot, they needed the toilet or because they were ill!

Like many of the perimenopausal symptoms that I get this one does not affect me all month; it only strikes in the week to ten days before my period starts. I also get other symptoms at this time but I'll blog them separately. Now for someone who currently has an average cycle of twenty-four days that is quite a lot but I hold on to the fact that for at least fourteen days a month I do sleep 'fairly' normally!

I found this image on the National Sleep Foundation website looking at how much sleep was good for us. As an adult between the age of 25 and 64 I should be having a seven to nine hours sleep; I definitely get this on the other fourteen days of the month but that ten days before my period starts well that is a totally different matter. I'd like to be generous and say that the minimum that I can get is four hours sleep and maybe I can get seven on a 'good' night. The problem with this is that this sleep is disturbed so it is never a 'good' night's sleep. Like many of my perimenopause symptoms I have been experiencing this for over two years now.

Lack of sleep makes me irritable! Really?! Yes, it's true! 

About six months ago I started looking at alternative remedies as I am loath to go to the doctors and ask about HRT; I'd very much like to be able to find something else to help get me through. One of the things I have tried I will blog about separately and it may have to be a video blog as writing may not do it justice! I have shared my experiences with two friends who had somehow missed out on this 'trial' over the last couple of days and the laughs we have had have been amazing! One of those Tessa moments!!!!

Anyway, where was I?! Having done a bit of research I decided that I needed to take a magnesium supplement. The supplement that I bought was called We Support Magnesium-OK; it is a food supplement that also has other 'things' included in it. Like everything related to perimenopause you will never get a 'quick' fix (I wish!). I was really good and took it for approximately six weeks; once a day at my evening meal. It appeared to work, I did not experience the insomnia that I usually do so t was a good thing. The problem that I had was that I kept forgetting to take it!

This month the insomnia has been really bad. I have a stock pile of magnesium supplements; 120 tablets to be precise which is approximately five monthly cycles for me! I am going to start taking them again to see if that one month was a fluke or that it was having a placebo effect on me. I just need to set myself a reminder to take them . . . oh that's Symptom 17 - Faulty Memory!! Ha ha welcome to another one!

Friends

We all need friends, some of us more than others. My friends keep me sane (or maybe not!?) 

What makes a great friend? I'm not sure that there is a definitive answer to that; friends could be like cocktails, different ones for different occasions! At certain times in our lives we might need friends for very different reasons.

Do men and women have the same need for friends? I'm not sure and as a woman I can only answer for myself. As we travel on life's journey we may have had several different friendships. As a woman in my mid 40s I can say that I have had a 'best friend' in every decade of my life and each one of them has been different. I'm not sure what that says about me, maybe nothing, but maybe more about the fact that at different times in our lives we need different things out of friendships. I have to say that I am still in contact with all but one of my 'best friends' that I have had since the age of 18. It always amazes me that you can go for ages, maybe even years, and that you can meet up and just carry on where you last finished.

I am someone who will always offer a hand of friendship to anyone but I am maybe not very good at asking for help myself! So when I do my friends generally know that I am in need! I am the type of woman who doesn't need anyone to give me answers, usually! What I often require from a friend is just someone to listen to me speak. . . okay, they might be listening to me for a while!! Seriously a good friend, to me, does not try and solve my problems they listen, offer advice and don't judge. . . what works for them might not work for me.

Friends are also people that you can share memories with. . . and boy do I have some amazing memories from times that I have spent with friends. Sometimes just laughing can be the best form of remedy that anyone needs!

Let's spend time together and make loads more!

I keep losing weight. . .

They sold this in Next last Christmas and I loved it so much that it was on my Christmas wish list.

I once had a member in a WeightWatchers meeting say that once you had a weight problem then you always have a weight problem; some of us learn how to manage it but it is something that will always have to be managed. If you take your eye off the ball then it smacks you in the face and very quickly you can end up right where you started. . . anyone else know that feeling?!

I have previously mentioned in this blog that I have all the tools and having spent three years as a WeightWatchers leader I definitely know what to do . . . but that doesn't mean that I always do it!!! #normal 

Whilst on countdown to my boys leaving and going to university I can honestly say that I took my eye off the ball; I was comfort eating and they both knew that the way to my heart were haribos and crunchies! I will admit to eating quite a few of these over the last five weeks!

Knowing that I was starting Insanity meant that I also had to take my eating back under control; so I did what I would always adhere to. I have tracked everything that I have eaten. I have used the WeightWatchers and MyFitnessPal apps. I have set myself a realisitic target of 1 lb a week which means that by Christmas I would have hopefully lost 12 to 14 lbs.

I know that many people reading this will be struggling or have reached a plateau. Always remind yourself WHY you want to lose weight, or why you DID lose weight. Take each day at a time and set yourself some small, achievable targets.

Some people lose weight really easily and for some of us it takes time. Even not losing weight means that you haven't put any on!

This week has gone well; I have resisted the biscuit tin at work and cake Friday! I've stood on the scales today and was happy with the outcome. I am unlikely to blog about my weight loss each week but rather do it once a month; I believe that that is a more realistic and honest way to look at weight loss especially as a perimenopausal woman!

Are you insane woman?!

About fifteen years ago (!) I was first described by a then five year old boy as 'the nutty woman'. I did things that I thought were normal but that he had never witnessed in his short life; my antics always brought a smile to his face, probably my intention. He and his mother know who they are and I'm sure that some of my antics would still bring a bemused smile to their faces!

How many exercise videos do you own? Honestly?! Every New Year when the 'celebrities' bring out a new one do you go and buy yourself one?? I have over the years bought many; the first Davina exercise DVD (I have difficulty doing any Davina DVD as so many of her mannerisms are mine!), Tracey Shaw, Salsa, before the days of Zumba, Kettleworx (I do love this one). There are too many to list I could go on and on!

As I believe one of my sons lovingly told me once, 'all the gear, no idea'! Well you have to have the right exercise gear before you start, don't you?!

I first saw an infomercial for Insanity about six years ago whilst on a Christmas break in New York. I'd never seen anything like it and when I eventually saw the same infomercial on British TV a number of years later I knew that I had to own it. I think it took at least another year to pluck up the courage to actually buy it! That I did a little over two years ago.

Insanity, for those who don't know, is a 63 day total body workout programme given in a series of DVDs that is as the title so rightly says . . . INSANE!

This programme is not for the faint-hearted and I am not suggesting that you all go out and buy it. Here we go with a Tessa Moment!! The first time that I attempted the programme I got to day 43; for the first four weeks you exercise for no more than 40 minutes six out of seven days. Days 29 to 35 are called Recovery (!) but the DVDs are still 40 minutes long. Once you hit day 36 the minimum amount of time spent each day is about 60 minutes.

How often have you said I don't have time to exercise? If it's important to you, you will make the time but what I have learnt is that when I am doing an exercise DVD I really don't like anyone else to be around so I was getting up at the crack of dawn to do the exercises as I was still holding down a full-time job and at that point doing three WeightWatchers meetings a week! Something had to give and yes it ended up being Insanity. . . 

Insanity is one of those things that when you are doing it you are dying but afterwards you feel great; the prospect of starting it is very daunting though. I attempted to do the programme again about this time last year but quit at day 45 . . . two days better than last time and now doing four WeightWatchers meetings a week!!

That takes us to now. . . today is day 6 and I WILL do it this time!! I have an empty nest, I no longer do WeightWatchers meetings so when I come home from work I can just think about me!! 

The first time I did Insanity I heard my calf 'pop' about three days into it; there is a lot of 'jumping'. What I realised is that MY body couldn't cope with the repetition of movement on a hard floor. I was 44 then, I'm now 46!! I own a rebounder, which I has been in the family for over 30 years! I think my parents still have one too! I have replaced the 'mat' on it once but it was fantastic when the kids were little. I now use the rebounder for all the exercises that require my body to be lifted off the floor; this means less strain on my joints and actually I'm getting more of a workout as the I'm having to balance on the rebounder.

My eldest son has always said that I can't do it. . . this time I want to prove him wrong! My last workout is on Saturday 28 November. I have one of my brothers as inspiration as he has done it and his before and after pictures are amazing. I haven't taken any photos this time as for me it's actually about completing it and if I look amazing at the end of it that will be a bonus!!

New potato stir-fry

This is such a simple easy dish!

I have it with chicken but to be honest you could have it with anything; fish, steak, pork chops, a vegetarian option, you name it.

The portion that I made here was just for one and it can be easily made for more by just adding extra per person.



Ingredients

• 100 g new potatoes
• 1 red onion, chopped
• 1 green pepper, sliced
• 1 red pepper, sliced
• 1 yellow pepper, sliced
• 1 garlic clove, crushed

Method

Firstly, I steam the new potatoes. I steam all my vegetables and have done for over twenty odd years now. If you are not steaming them then just boil them. I generally set them cooking before I start the preparation of the rest of the vegetables.

Remove the skin of the red onion and I generally cut it into eighths depending on the size of the red onion used. Then de-seed and slice all the peppers. Add a glug of oil into a plan to heat up and then add the onion and the peppers; stir-fry for a while and then add the crushed garlic. I usually cook this until everything has sweated down and all the peppers and onions have started the caramelize; it is totally up to taste though.

With about ten minutes of cooking time left I heat another pan and then, having cut the potatoes into quarters, i then saute them off. For the last minute of cooking i add the potatoes to the onions and peppers. When I first started making this I used to stir-fry the potatoes with the onions and peppers but they did not hold their form very well, hence the reason that I dirty another pan!

For the meal that I have photographed I used a chicken breast and just sprinkled it with a seasoning; you could use anything. I then cooked it in my George Foreman but it could be grilled or cooked in the oven.

This is a really bright, colourful, healthy, easy meal to make . . . oh and delicious! 

Symptom 23 - Headaches

Symptom 23 - Headaches

I wonder if the list has any order?!

So another of the main perimenopause symptoms that I get are headaches. I think that I know when I get them and then my body does a u-turn and changes it . . . what is that all about?! I log when I get them on my WomanLog app.

Unfortunately they regularly turn into migraines and as a result I am unable to go to work. At one time I thought that I was losing a day a month but the reality is more likely one day in every three months; still not good.

I like this picture as it really does sum up a migraine; for those that get them, no-one gets migraines the same as others. Well that's my experience!

I have to catch mine early by taking ibuprofen and a paracetamol, aspirin and caffeine tablet, together! If I do then I can almost definitely make it into work but I have been known to not last the day. If I don't, well that's a different story!

When I went to the doctor in April, with my list of symptoms, my migraines were at the top of the list. I have been known to have headaches for three to four consecutive days; the worst recently being a five day stretch.  

The doctor gave me a prescription for some 'magic' pills; I only get six per prescription so I use them sparingly. So sparingly, in fact, that the first time I should have taken one I was 'frightened' to do so! I have no rational explanation for why I didn't take a pill prescribed by the doctor but let's just say I was worried by what effect it might have on me. Stupid eh?!

I should take one pill the moment I feel the migraine coming on; I get eye ache, that's when I know that I am getting a migraine. I can then take another two hours later. Having got over the initial worry I gave in and can confirm that, for me, they work! What usually happens is that I take the first one and then sleep. I wake up just around the two hour mark and the take the next one and, usually, sleep again! Sleeping works; the problem with 'normal' pain relief is that I really struggle to get to sleep. The only problem that I have been aware of with these pills is that after the sleep I generally feel 'great' for a couple of hours, think that I am a superwoman and do things I shouldn't, then I 'crash'! I possibly need to learn! 

The 'magic' pills haven't always worked, in fact I had the worst migraine that I've had in about nine months approximately six weeks ago. If I take both of the 'magic' pills I am not allowed to take any more of them for twenty-four hours. I have not taken any of my 'normal' pills when I have used the 'magic' ones but with this migraine I had to as nothing else was working. I will say that the 'edge' had been taken off by the doctor's pills but taking my regular ones helped finally get rid of it.

I would say that I have questioned why it was so bad on that particular day and I have come to the conclusion that it may have something to do with what I'd eaten that week. If you haven't read my post, Routines . . ., then please do! I have to say that I had fresh bread and cheese three days before and on the day before I got the migraine! After a discussion with my mum, she said that my dad had very bad migraines in his forties and that he had cut cheese out of his diet almost completely and that the migraines had effectively disappeared (maybe dad was going through some perimenopausal symptoms to be in tune with mum?!).

I am trying to manage my symptoms naturally and food is on my list of things to look at. When my birds have flown the nest and I have all this time on my hands (!) I am going to sit and read two cookbooks that I have bought; Eat.Nourish.Glow. by Amelia Freer and Deliciously Ella by Ella Woodward. Both of these advocate going sugar and gluten free. I am going to read them, decide if it's something that I can and want to do and go from there. I'll keep you posted on that one!

The final countdown

I am on the final countdown. . . 

I have known that this week was coming for over a year and been preparing myself for at the least the last three months and on countdown since my youngest son received his A level results on Thursday 13 August! But it is bitter sweet. . .

On Saturday I will take both of my sons to Sheffield; one to continue his degree and the other to start his own adventure. I think that it will be great for both of them to have each other in the same city but they will be leaving me 'home alone'.

For people who know me I am a woman of structure and order. If you were to walk into my house, at the moment, you would not believe that; let's just say that you would have to be a very 'close' friend to be invited in! 

I often find myself lying soaking in the bath and considering where I will start with the MASSIVE clean up operation. I have contemplated their bedrooms but I really don't think that I can face them, just yet!

I keep coming back to the same room . . . where I have always gone to escape and have that little bit of 'me time' . . . the bathroom! So on Sunday I plan to start in the room where I find peace and solitude, reclaiming it as MY space . . . with music blaring out that no one can complain about! 

One room at a time, only six rooms upstairs and five downstairs. I'm going to clean and have the house spic and span before I start making it a mess by decorating it!

Sunday morning walk

This walk on a Sunday morning has become part of my routine; either on my own or in the company of friends. I walk from my home to Orton Mere where I wait to see if I will continue my walk on my own or if I have been joined by friends; today I had the pleasure of my own company.

I contemplated taking a shorter route but then realized that I would be cheating myself; so I embarked on the usual route. 

The beauty of walking on your own is that you can clear your own head space and also become aware of nature that is around you.



I regularly see one heron but today I think that I actually saw three separate ones at different points. The first one I took a photo of. I then saw the second one just close to this family out for a swim.

Heron - 30 August 2015

Family of swans - 30 August 2015

This is the start and end of my walk; crossing over the A1139 back to Hampton. An eight(ish) mile walk that has all kinds views!

#emptynest

Empty nest picture

I am on countdown! In approximately three weeks time I will have finished a very long day driving my two sons to Sheffield, one to continue with his degree and the other to start his. Although they are both in the same city they will be at different university's . . . 

. . . so what am I going to do?! It has been suggested that I have a party; that may come in time but the very first thing that I am going to do is reclaim my house from young adults!

Having thought about the fact that as I'm in the throws of perimenopause and thinking how similar it is to puberty, I have had time to reflect on my years as a teenager, especially those as a late teen and a young woman in her early twenty's. 

I regularly claim that my house has been hit by a bomb and this quote says it all. Having had the pleasure of my eldest son home for the best part of four months, I collected him on 29 May, I can confirm that having him plus my other son AND their two girlfriends, for a significant amount of that time, has made me feel just like this!

I have often gone to bed at night and hoped that the house fairy might have performed miracles when I get up in the morning only to discover when I open my door and walk down the stairs that nothing has changed.

Now here I will admit that my parents had to leave the nest as I wouldn't leave them . . . well that's how I see it! My parents abandoned me at the age of nineteen to move to the middle of nowhere in Scotland! This is not 'actually' true, it depends on how you tell the story!! I have three much younger brothers who 'had' to move with my parents but I was able to make a choice. I, at nineteen, had a job and a boyfriend and the prospect of moving the the West coast of Scotland, no matter how beautiful it is, was not even on my agenda!

I lived in my parents house for about six months, sold it for them; I like to claim that I did! (I was in sales at the time!!) I then lived in a flat of my own for about a year. My dad visited me once a month (that's a whole different story!) and he would say that he would have to do a month's worth of washing up before he could even make himself a cup of tea as there were never any clean plates, cups or cutlery! (I would also point out that he was making his own cup of tea; where was I offering him one?!) How times have changed!! He would also say that the bath was only ever cleaned when he came!

I am regularly told that 'it isn't that bad' and 'we've seen worse' . . . but as I say 'THIS IS MY HOUSE AND I WANT IT TO LOOK NICE . . . ONCE IN A WHILE'!

So, although it drives me potty that my house does not look like a show home and has had that 'lived in, student look' for the last four months I know that at some point these young people in my lives will understand what living in a clean house means . . . hopefully!!

I have wondered what I will do when I wake up on the first Sunday morning on my own. I've come up with many ideas but the first will actually be to spend the day cleaning. Now I am very aware that this may take more than one day but I will start it. The second major job on the list is to start decorating . . .

Guess How Much I Love You by Sam McBratney, and illustrated by Anita Jeram, was first published in 1994; I bought it for our eldest son, who was born in 1994, when his little brother was born in 1997. 'I love you to the moon and back' is something that we have regularly said to each other; although obviously as they have got older this has become less frequent! They are boys! 

This is for both of them . . . as a reminder of how much I love them . . . how proud I am of them and that even though I am on countdown I will miss them both tremendously. My house might be cleaner and tidier but for a couple of months it will stop being a 'home' filled with them. Will they still wrestle each other in my sitting room when they come 'home'?!