I have been silent for a while but during this time I have partially written three blogs but for one reason or another I have not posted them!
I last wrote on my blog on 6 June 2016, around six weeks after I had completed the Moonwalk; I thought that I had learnt a thing or two and would be able to change some things that were going wrong. Another six weeks on and I am still not there but I have learnt some more things along the way that I wanted to share and hope that it may give a 'light bulb' moment for someone, if not it will just be a good read!
WeightWatchers offers something to me that I know that I need; it isn't for everyone but it's good for me. So, what is that? Well, it's the support of a group of people who are all trying to achieve the same thing with a group leader who also has had, or continues to have, the same struggles as everyone in that group. WeightWatchers was founded on this principle over 50 years ago. I need to remind myself that part of that is to take time for yourself, setting aside that hour a week to go to a meeting and not let other things get in the way. . .
The last time that I attended a meeting, which was about seven weeks ago, we were asked to look at ourselves and think about five things that are pretty cool about us. I know that almost everyone in the room probably looked at the floor and hoped that the leader did not ask us. She must have known this and told us to go away and think about it after first discussing that we are often times our own worst critic and that if we were to ask that question of our friends and family they would probably be able to reel off a whole list of things about us. The idea of coming up with five cool things about us was to try and change our attitude. Most of us who struggle with weight have most probably not got the best attitude when it comes to ourselves. I, for one, would, more often than not, overthink the answers and really struggle to come up with something. After trying not to do that I managed to come up with five;
- I'm a loyal friend
- I have a wicked laugh
- I have beautiful eyes
- I can talk for ever!
- I make an amazing Bolognese sauce!
I am not really sure that these are actually cool things but heyho I came up with five things that are me and that I am proud of! Positive thinking will get you to where you want to be. I must remember to be kind to myself.
The next life lesson was much harder to deal with and acknowledge but I have learnt a new word because of it, although I'm not sure how much I will use it or even if it actually refers to me! In my last blog You're never too old to learn I stated that my competitiveness was causing me a problem. Having thought about this some more I realised that it had also had a huge impact on a major relationship in my life. The word that I have is atelophobia; the fear of imperfection, of not being good enough.
Now I am not saying that I have a phobia but what I am saying is that I recognise that thinking I am not good enough has often held me back. I have spent years sabotaging all sorts of things in my life; food being the major one.
I will not go into the whys and wherefores for where I think this comes from. What I do know is that knowledge is power. The realisation that I had was empowering; this just adds to that. What I have to do is shift how I view myself and stop thinking that I am not good enough. I AM good enough. This says it perfectly;
I do NOT need anyone to validate me; I am already valuable.
This phrase may need to be repeated and repeated and repeated until I believe it but once I do then who knows what mountains I can climb and what heights I can soar.
At the beginning of the year I had a plan, a focus; I knew exactly where I wanted to be and what my goals were. Unfortunately, I did not think past the 14th May! I should have known that once a goal had been realised that I might struggle; others around me did. I have spent the last twelve weeks in a post Moonwalk blues faze, beating myself up, trying to get myself out of a hole and not really knowing how to or why I was in it. I watched a programme, Bradley Wiggins 'Road to Rio', the other night and some things that were said resonated with me. After Bradley had won the Tour de France, in 2012, and then won a gold medal two weeks later at the London Olympics he suffered with depression for the best part of a year. He didn't know what to do or whether he wanted to even get back on a bike. Elated after completing the Moonwalk and knowing that I had power walked 26.2 miles, an achievement in itself, an opportunity arose to take part in another challenge The Thames Path Challenge. A 50km (31 mile) walk, also to raise funds for Walk the Walk. I did give it some thought, but maybe not as much as I should have, and signed up to take part in this event. It takes place on 10th September . . . loads of time to get back into the swing of walking! Yeh right! I set myself up with a new training plan for thirteen weeks and started it on Monday 5 June. I managed to stick to it for two weeks but since then it has gone slightly awry. Watching this Bradley Wiggins programme hit me smack in the face with the fact that I had the Moonwalk blues. It totally makes sense why I have found it difficult to motivate myself to walk but something needs to change as the Thames Path Challenge takes place in just over six weeks and I need to pull myself together.
I have learnt several lessons over the last twelve weeks and now just need to put them into practise. Understand that the only person that I need to be good enough for is me and that I AM good enough.
Maya Angelou once said, 'Success is liking yourself. Liking what you do and liking how you do it.' I can genuinely say that ten years ago I did not like who I was but I have done a lot of work over that time to change that. I thought that I was there but this year has again proved that I have something to learn and things to change. That will not be easy. It has taken 47 years to get here but we are all a work in progress and learning is part of life. . .
